CRUX

From Loud to Bloody.

When I was given the options,I chose the safest,it seemed foolish at first but it proved fulfilling at the end.

Now let me warn you real good.Revenge isn't a friend you encourage,it's a frenemie you gossip with,maybe braid hairs over sleepover nights,or crackle with at the odd hours of the night.You don't take it out,or introduce it to your friends,or give it a place in your heart.

Do that and it'd ruin you.

Or,everyone else you love,except you,which is even worse.

I'm saying this out of pure experience,having been a puppet under the fingers of the puppeteer myself,I was a loyal friend who took in a demented partner to soothe my lonely days.

When we played,we played rough,

And when we fought,we fought hard.

On one of those fights I'm finally spat out from it's clutches only left to realise the temerity of my actions at the end.

But by then.

Revenge was long gone and all that was left was well......memories of the two of us.

Those disturbing polaroid pictures of us,crying ugly,

Laughing hauntingly,

Playing mock trapeze on very slippery stairs,

Eating popcorn off stained bed sheets,

Watching romance flicks at the cemetery,

Stalking strangers we met at a coffee shop,

And there's more.

So much more.

But for your benefit,I'd like to keep them hidden for a while.

That bitch disposed of me like I were a rag doll,quite used,maybe a little broken.

Or so I hoped.

Until she came back out of nowhere.

She came for me,she came on a mission.

She came to set her tent close to my heart.

But this time,she came as a friend of someone else.

****************

"What do you see when you look in the mirror?".It made sense that he'd ask such a question right when I'm about to apply lipgloss on my chapped lips.My eyes flick past my busy hands to the reflection of my face.She looks back through the glass,but we're unable to hold each others stare long enough to assume an answer.

I shrug to act unfazed,but there's a large lump that has formed in my throat."A bunch of misunderstanding".

He laughs,and at the boisterous sound,I almost... melt.What I mean to say is,he has a nice laugh."Always with the confusing responses".

"You asked".I shrug.

I didn't expect him to,suddenly,take my shoulders into his hands and turn me around so swiftly,or that he would hold on to them--my shoulders while his gaze makes a trail down my corporate attire and back into my eyes.My breathing comes out short,my gasps are loud."Carmen,I know you're unprepared for this but I need you to trust me".

"I trust you".Those words made me cringe.

So much for not being cliché.

"Good".He sighs with a nod,tucking his bottom lip into his mouth as his eyes wander around the small changing stall."Good,you ready?".

"No".I find it easier to speak the honest truth when with him,plus it was great practice if I was going to be in court in the next few minutes.

"We can fix that".He smiles underneath the thumping of his heart,It's easier to tell when my hands are currently pressed to his chest."Let's go".

I would like to imagine this as one of those episodes where you run off with your attorney,who decides to ditch justice for love,but deep down,I didn't even want that to be the case,I didn't want to run away.

I had finally come to accept my sins,and my subconscious has long resigned from pressuring my false innocence.

I am not innocent.

Not by a mile.

It is only when my feet takes the first step into the large courtroom that I realise, maybe I didn't want to be guilty or innocent.

But on the contrary.

'Cause when my eyes met with someone I certainly didn't expect to see.

Especially not after that day.

I wanted nothing more than to die.

A/N--Damn,I was so hooked on this one.

And we finally know the name of the narrator.