Just Him

37. New Years with him

The dark sky seemed even darker. The crisp air of the night. The stars as it brightest. You could hear the noise that came from people down the hill.

Fireworks being set of early. The crackle ,boom and pop sound that came from direction I couldn't lin point.

The music coming from multiple houses that were having parties for over worked adults or drunk, horny teenager. The peace and quite was almost achieve if the town wasn't so loud on new years.

I could hear every word said. The Lockwood hill was the best place to be on New year. A few day ago it was Christmas and I spent it with my family.

Daniel didn't do anything besides glare from a distance. Every time I looked at him all I saw were eyes filled with hatred. The disgusted look that would pass through his eyes time to time.

I got a memory back. It was 5 years ago. Dad had finally came back to the house after a business trip. He had the biggest smile on his face.

He talked about how he made the best decision there was. He had sold a struggling company after he had fixed it up. It was one of his biggest deals.

I want that smile that graced my father's face. All I ever wanted was for him to accept me. Why was that so hard. He was the first person to call me a faggot.

He said it with so much hate you could practically taste it a mile away. I used to cry myself to sleep on certain nights. Thinking why did I have to be gay.

Me not being able to walk was just the cake topper. If I walk to my arms hurt. If I stand to long my arms still hurt. I can't even shower anymore not that I'm complaining  baths are so more relaxing when the hot water comes in contact with my aching muscles.

Being gay has thought me many things. One being guys can be extremely difficult. No scratch that guys are extremely difficult.

I've been hanging out with Alex and he was pretty cool. He was fun but also very difficult. He kept looking at me with a look I recognized but couldn't place it. 

I just brushed it off thinking maybe it was my imagination. I think Brier and Jessie want to be a thing but Brier doesn't want to go for it.

The second thing being gay has thought me was that people change when they find something about you that doesnt fit in to there perfect image. Look at me and my dad.

Years of Love and affection gone. Because of something I didn't choose. I will keep repeating this till one day it sinks into people mind. Being gay or lesbian or whatever you are is not a choice.

Your born gay or realise later in life you are gay. It's called a gay awakening. The next time a person said they can fix you. Don't believe them. You can't be fixed. You are forever crooked.

That's is what people don't understand. It was never a choice. Then they preach about how gay people are going to hell. Just for being gay.

Well if that was the case over 10 percent of the world's populating is going to hell. They call gay people gods mistake. What happened to god doesn't makes mistake and everything happend a for a reason.

It's sounds like people are saying god made a mistake. I'm not the most religious person but I know the bible preaches about love not hate yet there are still people who twist the bibles words.

Did y'all know king James was gay. Yes he was gay and yet people still read his version of the bible. What happened to "gays are going to hell".

The third and most important thing being gay has thought me was to never trust people easily. I trusted people like it was an extreme sport and got hurt everytime.