Face To Face With The Devil

Chapter 23

TW: Anorexia 

I wanted to stab my eyes out at the sight I was seeing. Oli and Beca were walking out of the double doors of the hallway hand in hand, I think I threw up in my mouth a little bit.

 Now don't get me wrong I've helped push them together but I was not in the right mindset to see a bunch of couples being all lovely Dovey well I was trying to avoid someone who would not leave my mind.

After someone walked in on Seb and me at the party I bolted and for the whole weekend I avoided him and his calls, he was probably pissed at me. 

I didn't know what to do, I pulled back but all I wanted to do was pull him closer.

 I knew where my feelings for him stood but I was holding them back because him and I just couldn't happen. 

I know that if said how I was feeling out loud it would make everything all real, so I keep my feelings in my head for only me to suffer with.

I know I like Sebastian, there I said it, I finally spoke the truth for once. 

I know that, as much as I hate the way I feel about him I can't help but like every part of him, he's snuck into my heart and all I want to do is keep him there, but I know that I can't. 

I have to make myself understand that I cant form relationships with people who I'm going to leave at the end of this year, and I've already made so many beautiful connections with friends,

 these connections are going to destroy me when I have to say goodbye.

The thing is my feelings for Seb consume every part of my mind when I'm with him, It's so hard to stay away from him when all I think about is the devil who kissed me. 

The feelings I have for Seb are so big I know that when I have to leave, leaving him would be the worst thing I would ever have to do.

 If I let the way I feel about him grow when I have to leave I don't think I would be able to leave him.

"Faith! You coming?" 

Beca's voice pulled me out of my thoughts and I choked on the smoke not realizing how much I breathed in from the cigarette, "no It's ok I will see you tomorrow."

 She nodded and walked away with Oli, I took another long harsh drag out of the paper cylinder in my hand and let the smoke kill me from the inside out.

I heard a stick break behind me and I turned my body on the bench looking at the devil, "how long are you planning to ignore me?" 

Seb sat down on the bench beside me and nodded to the cigarette in my hand, I reached into my pocket and pulled out the paper pack, there was still a few left.

 His long slender fingers took one out and he put it in his mouth wrapping his full pink lips around the cigarette,

 I pulled out my lighter and brought the small flame up to his mouth lighting the small stick of death.

Smoke filled the air around us and I basked in the silence letting the toxic smoke fill my lungs feeling the smoke break down my body. 

"I never would have taken you for the kiss and run kind of girl." His deep voice pulled me up and I rolled my eyes wishing I was anywhere but here.

"If you want me to pretend like nothing happened then I will do that, If you want to ignore me because you know there's something between us then fine, I'll do anything."

 His voice was hard but many emotions laid underneath it, "why?" I croaked out "because I don't want you to stop talking to me, I don't want to lose what we have."