Strong (Louis Tomlinson's Cancer story)

Chapter 42: A turn for the worst...

"Do you always sleep till 11 when you are in the hospital My gosh Lou." I heard Liam say. "Leave me alone Li." I mumbled.  Wait Liam? I opened my eyes and sat up to see all the guys standing around my bed. "What are you doing here?" I asked. "We have some time off so we came to get you guys." Niall said. "Oh, thanks." I said still trying to wake up. "Daddy let me sleep!" I heard Kenz say from her bed. "Sorry love it wasn't me it was your uncles." I said. "Don't make excuses Uncles are not here!" She groaned. I chuckled. "Yes we are." Zayn said. She shot up and had the biggest smile on her face. "Uncles I missed you!" She said holding out her arms to get hugs. They all shifted over to her bed and gave her a hug. 

"So Lou I saw you all went to this thing called Relay for Life last night. How was that?" Zayn asked sitting in the chair in between both of our beds. "It was good. Everybody there is so supportive and I barely got stopped at all! We also raised a bunch of money for the hospital." I said. "Thats great. Maybe we can all go next time and spread the word. Donations will come streaming in." Niall said. I smiled "I'm sure they will like that."

Dr. Ryan walked in shortly after we both woke up. "Lou...oh wow I never have seen a room this packed." He said. "HI Dr. Ryan are we all set to leave. Do we have Kenzies results yet" I said.

"Um Yes Mackenzie's results came back completely normal. She is still cancer free.....but thats not why I am here." He said with a sad expression. Right then I knew something was wrong. I looked at Zayn trying to hold in my tears. "Please take Kenz to Ally's room. She knows where it's at." I managed to say knowing what was about to come wasn't going to be good. Kenz gave me a sad look but luckily didn't argue and allowed Zayn to carry her out of the room. 

"Louis we tested your blood the other day and i'm sorry but we didn't get the best results... Your cancer has spread again. We need to do a scan to see exactly where but by looking at your counts it looks like it is has spread across your body. There could still be a chance you can beat this. We can put you on an extreme dose of chemo where you will have to stay here until we get you on a clinical trial and..." "No." I said flatly. "But.." 

"I'm not doing this anymore. You said chance. I have been around this hospital enough to know what that means. I don't want to live out the rest of my life in this hospital. I don't want this anymore!" I said tears streaming down my face. 

"Lou you can't give up. A chance is a chance Lou!" Liam said starting to tear up. I just shook my head "Liam don't you see. There is no more chance. I am going to die. Being on this medicine will only give  me a little more time. I don't want to die here Liam. Please don't argue with me on this because I have made my decision." I said wiping my tears. "I will allow you to put me on the list to do the trial but I am not going to do any more chemo. I want to be discharged immediately." I said to Dr. Ryan. He simply nodded and walked out. 

"So that's it! Your going to freaking give up just like that Louis!" Harry said getting angry.

"Just like that Harry!?! I have been in and out of the hospital for months! I have puked more times than you probably have in your entire life! I have been dead twice, I have a tube coming out of my stomach, I have scars all over my body and I have no freaking hair! I fought and if you don't think so that's fine with me but you heard Dr. Ryan! This has gotten to a point where I can't fight anymore. It has gotten to much for my body to handle. I'm going to die." I said tears streaming down my face. Everybody in the room was crying. I even heard the one person I didn't want to hear crying crying. Mackenzie was standing at the door alone with tears streaming down her face. It's like nobody knew how to respond. 

"Kenz come here." I said holding my arms out. She slowly started walking over to me hiccuping on her cries. Liam wiped his face and picked her up onto the bed.

 "I don't want you to die daddy.... I don't want you to leave me I just got you. You are my person." She cried into my chest. "Shhh Kenz. I'm sorry. The last thing I want to do is leave you. I wish there was something I could do to just be cancer free like you but there isn't. All we can do is pray I get on a good clinical trial." I Said stocking the little bit of hair on her head. 

"Kenz did you find your blan...." Zayn started but then he saw all of our faces and realized why I told Kenz to leave. "I..I'm sorry Lou I didn't think it was a big deal if she came to grab her blanket real quick. I should if thought it through a little better." Zayn said. "It's fine Zi. She needed to find out anyway." I said.

Dr. Ryan came back in and unhooked me from everything. Mackenzie had fallen asleep from crying so much. "Okay Lou I respect your dicision about this but I just need to inform you about what will hpappen. Over the next couple of months you will have shortness of breath from the cancer in your lungs. You will feel some syptoms like you did before you found out you had cancer but besides that for the most part you will have more energy and will feel normal for the time being before the spmptoms kick in. Any questions?" He asked. I shook my head and he nodded and left.

"I need to go tell Ally alone. I'll be right back." I said sliding out of bed and slipping on a shirt. They all nodded and I heard the rest of the guys fill Zayn fully on my condition. 

I knocked on Ally's door and a nurse opened it before walking out. She had just been detached from her IV. When Ally saw I gave her a sad smile she gave me a sympathetic look. "Lou whats wrong. Was it Kenz's scans I just saw her." She said motioning for me to sit next to her on her bed. I went over and sat next to her.

"It wasn't her she is still NEC. It was me Al... My cancer has spread around my body." I said. "Wh..what do you mean. I thought you were about to be NEC? They didn't even do any scans on you this visit." She said a tear streaming down her cheek. "They tested the blood they took from me Wednesday." I said wiping the tear. 

"so what are you doing now? More chemo? radiation?" she asked. I just stayed silent staring at my fingers and she understood why. "There's nothing else you can do isn't there?" She asked. I nodded. "He wanted me to start an extremely hard dose of chemo but I have read about it before. I would be on it 24/7 and be in here for a month straight. No leaving. He didn't sound very hopeful it would help me either. He is going to put me on a list for a clinical trial and thats about all that can help me at this point." I said. She just stared at our hands we were holding tightly together. 

"I love you Ally. I need you to know that." I said looking at her. She looked at me. "I love you to the moon and back Lou and will always love you to the day one of us dies." She said rubbing circles over my hand with her thumb. "You are defiantly taking this better than Harry." I said. "I have had this happen to me many times. There is no point in crying yet if your still here." She said. "It's an incredible life Ally." I said smiling at her. "and it's not over yet." She said kissing my cheek.