Truth or Consequences

chapter 20

"What do you think is taking her so long? Is she pooping?" Marty asks. He is in high school, and I'm in college.

"Not in public. Gross, you know she would hold it until she got home." I say, laughing, knowing my mom wouldn't dare do that. "Knowing he,r she is probably helping out in the kitchen or something."

We're both laughing now, sitting in a booth in a diner. Mom left about 15 minutes ago to use the restroom, and about five minutes ago, our food arrived.

"Do you know what you're going to do after high school yet? I mean, you have time... just didn't know if you knew yet."

"Not really. Honestly, I might join the military."

"Really? My silly brother is going to join the military??"

"I don't know, maybe. The free college thing is cool... but... I kind of want to be around more dudes. Have a mentor or something. Weird right? It's just... growing up with you and Mom... I don't know." He's looking down now, staring at his plate of food.

"Listen, you don't have to explain yourself. If that's where you are drawn to... then do it. Mom and I will be proud of you no matter what. We love you. Now let's eat our food before it gets too cold. I don't know what the hell mom is doing."

"You couldn't wait for me?" Mom says as she slides back in next to Marty. He is mid-shovel, eyes wide.

"You were gone forever!" I say, finishing the bite I had.

"These kids." She says under her breath, but loud enough for us to hear. "It was, like, 20 minutes. And an emergency." She says 20 minutes like that isn't a solid chunk of time.

Marty and I eye each other before staring back at her, wanting her to continue her story.

She waves her hand at us, "Oh, it wasn't my emergency. There was a girl in the bathroom crying. Her boyfriend had just broken up with her. It's a whole thing. She's better now."

"Seriously?" I ask, and she nods. "That is both unbelievable and totally believable for you!" Marty and I laugh again.

"On another note... Let's go see Pop Pop after this! It's been a while... and you know with his heart..." She says.

"Mom, you literally have cancer... also stop guilt-tripping us." Marty scoffs.

"I'm in remission. I will probably outlast the man."

We were so morbid. Or are? But she did outlast him... Just a couple of years.

I'm trying to read on this flight, but my brain keeps jumping around my memories. No one ever talks about what a jumbled mess your brain becomes while grieving. My thoughts have ceased to be linear.

I put in my earbuds and opt for music instead.

I was thankful I had done laundry recently, or else I wouldn't have been able to fly out to Felix so quickly. Not that I folded or put up what I didn't pack, but that can wait until I come back. It sounds silly, but I'm happy that Felix is excited to see me as I am hi, especially since my drunken confession.

I know I worry too much. He probably feels the same way I do... But damn, if my brain doesn't talk me down. Talk me out of being deserving of love. Brains can be so mean.

***

The first two days feel identical- Felix slips out early to prepare for the day ahead. He heads to the galley, organizing ingredients, planning menus, and coordinating with the rest of the crew. Once he feels breakfast can go on without him, he comes back to our cabin, surprising me with breakfast in bed, and I thank him with sex. When he leaves to prepare lunch and dinner, I either go back to sleep or explore the yacht. Finding cozy spots to read or simply losing myself in my surroundings' beauty. By the time dinner starts, I am in the crew lounge, meeting new people and getting shitfaced.