Truth or Consequences

chapter 23

The flight back home was uneventful, with minimal crying on my part. I gave myself an extra day before going back to work to do laundry, actually fold it, and grocery shop. I feel prepared to go to work this week. Prepared to advocate for children, but not at the cost of my mental health. I'm still working on setting boundaries so I don't burn out.

When I walk into work, it is a delight. Not only are people happy to see me, but my students have created a huge WELCOME BACK poster by my office. I feel completely loved by my kids and coworkers. It's beautiful, full of encouraging words and cute drawings. I know immediately that I'll keep this poster forever.

It takes about a week for the novel of my absences to dissipate. Socially, things move fast in education. Every month seems to take on its own mood, so the news does not last. I'm thankful for it because I don't like being the center of attention. It starts with sympathy and people not knowing how to approach or talk to me. But then it shifts back to normal. I end up steering conversations back to Felix and my time traveling with the crew. It's nice to have an adventure to describe rather than discuss my sadness.

It doesn't take me long to get back into the groove. Well... a new groove, now that I don't have to balance work with caretaking. I didn't quite realize how exhausting caretaking was. So I work, talk to Felix daily, talk to my brother weekly, do therapy weekly, and hang out with my friends on the weekends. I catch myself feeling guilty for living my life, but I know it's all part of the process.

I have two months before Zoe's wedding, where I did end up being invited as a bridesmaid. Initially, I thought she had asked me the night she proposed because she was so excited. But in a sweet, old-fashioned way, Zoe and Shelby wrote every bridal party member a personal letter explaining why they were chosen to participate. You are not often told how cherished and loved you are by your friends. I make a mental note to do it more often.

The entire bridal party is invited to meet at the soon-to-wed couple's place to discuss details, outfits, colors, roles, etc. There are ten of us in Zoe's living room, eating pizza and drinking beer. We're not as crammed in as we would be in my apartment, but we're in close contact. I look around, knowing Zoe got this place, envisioning a future family. I learn I'll be standing on Zoe's side alongside her two brothers and college roommate. Shelby has her sister, brother, and two of her best friends.

Shelby's sister, Abby, has taken on the role of the wedding planner and practically insists on doing everything herself. Seeing her have bridezilla-like tendencies, I learn not to argue with Abby. However, having her direct us all seems to be working out so far. Even if she does seem uptight most of the time. Zoe speculated Abby probably just needed to get laid.

Zoe and Shelby told us they had decided on Navy and Burgundy as the wedding colors and the bridal party outfits. We could all choose between wearing suits or dresses but in the color designated by the side. Zoe's side was to be in navy, and Shelby's in burgundy... it was going to be beautiful.

I can't help but imagine how enchanted my mom would have been with a marriage between two women with mixed-gender bridal parties. The thought makes me smile as I reflect on our conversations about how she wasn't blessed by having many gay friends. Certainly, none getting married.

Aside from getting my dress, participating in the joint bachelorette party, and getting my nails done, I didn't have to do much. All the girls decided to be united and get the same nail polish color. It was adorable how emotional Shelby got when we told them. It was even more adorable when it was announced that part of the bachelorette party would be spent at a strip club. I don't think I've ever seen Shelby get so red in the years I have known her.

I know I blush easily, but even I have been to strip clubs before. I had an ex that enjoyed taking me with him. It's fine, not my scene, but the girls are incredibly nice, and this is their paycheck. I think it annoyed my ex that I would spend my time and money talking to the girls rather than learning moves. Maybe I will learn some moves this time and surprise Felix with them.