Truth or Consequences

chapter 15

There are only three weeks between Thanksgiving break and Winter break. I don't know what I thought those three weeks would look like, but it wasn't this. The day after Thanksgiving, my mom fell again, trying to use the toilet. The pain in her body sounds unbearable. Giselle is in charge of her pain management, which makes me feel thankful I don't have to memorize everything anymore. There are pills and patches and drops... I mean, who knew pain meds came in so many different forms?

Time went as fast as it was slow... I didn't keep real hours, so everything blended together. I had to file for an extended leave from work. Not only did I not want to miss a single moment with my mom, but I would have been worthless at work. I can feel my brain jumping from topic to topic, feeling to feeling. My brain has never felt this disorganized.

Giselle stayed more often to help, but we became roommates in a sense. I don't know what the ethical rules are on this relationship, but she has been a Godsend. Some nights she just crashes at my place instead of going home, and I stay with Mom. We cycled through like that for two weeks. We became really good friends or sisters in a way since we both only had brothers. She often liked to joke that Felix and I would get married anyway, then it'll be official. I know how close they are, so those comments always made my stomach flutter.

We finally got that hospital bed put in Mom's apartment by the bay window she loves so much. It took a minute for everything to get sorted with our insurance. And Giselle got us a portable toilet... thing. It's like a walker, a toilet seat, and a bucket had a love child. It looks bizarre, but it's so handy. And mom doesn't have to travel far to do her business. The learning curve of being shy around typically private acts didn't last long. There was just no room or time to be shy. And as showers became difficult, Giselle gave her a sponge bath in bed.

When mom slept, Giselle and I would talk or watch movies together. We talked a lot about college and our jobs. I learned more about the dynamics in her siblings' relationships. Why she thinks Matias is such a jerk... I try not to analyze him with this new information. My brain feels like mush if I try to turn the counseling side on.

I learned more than I thought I would about her dating life, which sounded so much more exciting than my dating life ever was. And I don't mean in the way that she's dated both men and women, but in a way where Giselle just seems more outgoing, actually willing to put herself and her heart out there.

I would flirt a lot, but so many of the guys I dated couldn't handle the fact that I was the caretaker of a sick mom. Or I put walls up so they didn't have to. So I have to remind myself that Giselle had more freedom to do what she wanted. I don't think I've had a bad life, but certainly, there aren't many people spending their teens and twenties being caretakers to their parents.

Marty finally came, which was amazing. He saw her pretty lucid and normal before she slept more and more of the day. It was great just to be with him; it had been so long since I'd seen him in person. Giselle fit in nicely with our relationship... We were like the three musketeers. I'd catch myself thinking about how young we were. I mean, Marty is only 21! How could three people in their 20s take care of a dying woman? This is why I was so thankful that Giselle had her skills. She was about my age, but it was a sight to see when she needed to go into Hospice Nurse mode. Much to Marty's delight, and my chagrin, she even called me Lenny.

Felix was sweet and called me every day. Most days looked the same for me, so I didn't talk much. Marty or Giselle would relay any real news to him. Felix always had plenty to share, though, and I was happy to listen to his adventures. Especially when he shared that he interviewed with a culinary magazine, it stirred something within him that had him teaching instead.

I try to convey how proud of him I am or how much I love his stories, but eventually, when his stories tapered off, I would start crying with him on the phone or Facetime. He was always terrific about it, just staying with me on the phone, saying very little, if anything at all. Making sure to send cute animal videos afterward.