The Life We Had | Gay BxB |

37. Sunshine

For a long time, I had thought that it was simply because I didn't want to hurt Luke's feelings, but I ended up doing just that. I had hurt him a lot more than a simple no would have. And still, I kept him waiting. And he still had waited!

"I'm complete shit!" I groaned, feeling a strong urge to start hitting something because I felt so bad and guilty and ashamed.

Why would Luke still want to go out with me? I wouldn't even want to see myself anymore in his shoes! I truly was the lowest scum on earth, and I didn't even know why I did what I did.

I stopped walking when I reached an intersection far away from school. I was surprised to see my surroundings – I had walked for almost half an hour already! The street on my left led to my home. The street on my right led to Luke's. It was just a fifteen-minute walk between our houses.

Left or right?

"Fuck this bullshit..." I muttered and turned right.

I would lose my sanity long before Friday would come, and thinking the same stuff over and over again wasn't leading me anywhere, so I had to do something different. Maybe it would help if I just talked with him?

Ten minutes later, I stopped in front of the gate of the Frost's yard. The house looked quiet, but the second I placed my hand on the handle, Bella came running around the corner to greet me with her excited barking.

"Hey puppy," I said and scratched her behind the ear. "You're a good guard dog."

"She sure is," I heard Gwen's voice coming closer, and I looked up to see her walking towards me with a smile on her face.

"Mrs. Frost," I greeted her with a smile.

"Oh, please, call me Gwen," she said and stopped next to the gate. "Are you here to see Luke?"

"Yeah..." I muttered, not knowing if she knew Luke had skipped classes. "I really need to talk to him."

"He's not well," Gwen said and her smile vanished when she looked at the house.

"Is he sick?" I asked, feeling down for some reason.

"He gets bad headaches..." Gwen muttered, without explaining any further. "He's resting now, so maybe now is not a good time for visitors."

"Oh, okay..." I nodded, but then the door opened and Luke stepped out.

"Troy?" his voice was pleasantly surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"Can we talk?" I asked hesitantly, and I felt a sharp twist in my stomach when his posture dropped – he clearly thought I had come to cancel our date. "Well, I have nothing to do and I wondered if you want company? I have some video games at home, if you want to play? Or... something..."

I had no idea why I was asking him to come to my place all of a sudden. I just wanted to talk to him, but when I stood there, I didn't even know what I wanted to say to him. I guess I was just saying anything to make that awful pained look in his eyes disappear. But it worked.

"I have some games too," he said carefully with a small smile. "I'd hate to leave Bella alone for too long..."

"Okay," I returned his smile, and Gwen opened the gate just enough so I could get in without Bella getting out.

I felt extremely nervous when I walked to Luke, who was holding the door open for me. He still had that small smile on his lips, which made him look like a completely different person. It was rare to see him with a smile, and I wondered how many people had actually seen it.

"Thanks," I muttered when I stepped into their home.

I stopped to wait for Luke, who was talking to Gwen. I watched him closely and noticed how cheerful he seemed. Was that because of me? Was he really that happy to spend time with me? He seemed energetic for a guy who wasn't feeling well.