18. The Heart of the Matter

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He bobbed his head. "My first psychiatrist wondered that, as well. Latent sexuality, he called it – demisexual hadn't yet been coined. He suggested I try deeper emotional bonding to bring it out, then after years of frustration..." He blew out a deep breath. "But demi does make sense now, doesn't it?"

"Yes, it does. Has this ever happened before? Stirred by a woman?"

"No, you're the first." He paused a moment, then continued, "The attraction and interest were always there – the childhood crushes, the teen friendships, the young adult flirtations and so on, but never any urge, never any desire. After all the insults and belittling, I finally gave up dating."

"But sex is possible without desire."

"I could never get beyond the aversion." He lifted his right hand and shrugged. "Except with this."

"We can expand on that experience."

He squirmed in his seat. "I'm going to split my trousers."

"Let's change the topic, then. Get back to discussing Hot Potato and the way onward."

"I love how accepting you are, Gianna. How understanding. How focused."

"Thanks. Comes with being aromantic – unswayed by many of the interpersonal emotions." I shrugged. "I'm often accused of being blunt, cold and uncaring."

"Wow! I don't see that at all."

"I love how blind you are to my flaws. But let's leave this until later. Get back to discussing the restaurant. Allow your passion to ease."

A few minutes later, after Duncan had left, I sat at the computer, reading about the asexuality spectrum, confirming my understanding that demisexuals feel sexual attraction to someone only after they've emotionally bonded. But he hasn't had sufficient time to bond – not for such fast arousal. But what degree of bonding is necessary?

I continued researching, finding no details. All nebulous, just as the boundaries are in all of this. Then, on verywellmind.com, I discovered a new asexual category, at least, new to me – sapiosexual. One who is especially attracted to someone they view as intelligent.

Further down the page, I found a quote from Dr Margaret Seide, "With something as complex and multi-layered as human sexuality, it makes sense that one word doesn't capture someone's full experience as a sexual being."

Of course, look at me, aro and bi – and God knows what else.

I read her explanation of sapiosexuals. "Intelligence is a characteristic that can be assumed about a person without knowing them at all, or knowing them only minimally. This wouldn't be in line with a demisexual, who requires more emotional depth." Hmmm! There goes the demi postulation.

Dr Seide continued, "So why are the terms often merged? Intelligence can be known from a distance by that person's accomplishments, but intelligence is also potentially an endearing and alluring quality that can form the basis for warmth and bonding. So, being sapiosexual and demisexual are not the same, but not entirely separate."

Aha! Attracted by my resumé and what Kevin had told him it meant. That, and from listing Mensa International and Triple Nine Society among my memberships. Already started before he first saw me. His sapio gave a kickstart to his demi.

Enough postulating, Gigi. We'll sort it out.

I turned to researching business attire, finding a lot of confusing information. I agreed with the Wikipedia editor that their article has multiple issues that need fixing. Like, why dictate that I wear a bra and panties? That should be left to individual choice.

 Like, why dictate that I wear a bra and panties? That should be left to individual choice

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Finally, I found a site with a clear explanation and good illustrations. This should be easy, particularly with Duncan's help. And later, I can help him.

But would it be appropriate? 

Yeah, we'll be away from work. And in private. None will know but us.

But would I be manipulating him? Innocent and inexperienced. No way to defend. Hah! But who could defend against such a wild sex fiend?

Am I really that? Or is it just a strong appetite? But with a virgin? Is that fair?

How stupid a question – billions of men barely hesitate before popping a girl's cherry.

And I could train him. A wide-eyed puppy, eager to please. And from his bulging package, appears nature was very generous –

A knock and a voice pulled me from my thoughts, "Sorry to interrupt, Chef. We're done out there and ready for your inspection."

"Umm! Oh, thank you, Melvin." I stood from the desk. "Give me a tour. I've not yet taken it all in."


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Points to consider in this chapter:

With Duncan thinking he's asexual and Gigi being aromantic and emotionally detached, does this explain their strange behaviour in the preceding chapters? Had you guessed these?

Does Gigi's research about the asexual/demisexual/sapiosexual spectrum help explain Duncan's behaviour? Or does it come across as an info dump?

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