La Cuevas #3: Beautiful Scars

Chapter 37

Mabilis akong tumango at muling nagpunas ng luha. Nanay Ida was so nice to him.. to us. Ilang beses na nag-play sa utak ko ang mga ngiti niya habang kinakausap ako, maging ang galit niya nang makulong ako noong bata ako ay bigla kong naalala. Ilang segundo niya akong pinanood bago nag-aalangang nagpatuloy.

"I was shock, I negotiated with him, offered him money and all that he wants and he actually agreed. He seemed high, umamin siyang inutusan siya ni Ray at pumayag siyang pakakawalan ang nanay mo kung bibigyan ko siya ng sampung milyon. I was close to holding her, lumalapit na ako noong natakot yata si nanay Ida, she protested in fear and cried while pushing Benjie.. that's.. that's when I stopped moving. I couldn't move, Sadie.. I saw it.."

Napapikit ako at mahinang humikbi. Kagaya ko noong nakita ko mismo sa aking harapan kung paano unti-unting manghina si daddy, hindi rin ako nakagalaw kaagad noon. Naiintindihan ko na ganoon iyon nakakatakot. Hindi ko lang mapigilang magalit at mainis. Bakit kailangan nilang mandamay ng inosenteng tao para lang sa kasal?

I was so close to blaming our fate. Kung bakit ba kasi kinulit ko pa noon si Luke na kuhanan siya ng dugo? Napaka liit na bagay, pero tignan mo ang epekto noon ngayon! Bakit ba kasi ako nagpadala sa damdamin ko? He was supposed to be just someone I know! Why did I let my world revolve around him?!

"I went there alone thinking that they haven't sent any men there, hindi ko naisip na si Benjie ang gagawa. No one was there to chase him when I went to your mom. I know I should've chased him, but I'm too scared to lose your mom if I left her. I took her to the hospital but she was declared dead on arrival.. "

Hindi ko na kinaya. Gamit ang dalawang kamay, ay tinakpan ko ang mukha ko para doon umiyak. Nanginginig ang mga balikat ko habang humahagulgol sa aking mga palad. Hindi ko na narinig pa si Luke. Namutawi sa kaniyang sasakiyan ang bawat pag-iyak ko.

Hindi ko mapigilan. Ang sakit.

Nang maramdaman ko ang kamay ni Luke na humawak sa mga kamay ko ay kaagad ko iyong binawi. Pinunasan ko ang mukha ko at nilingon siya nang mag abot siya sa'kin ng tissue galing sa glove. Tinanggap ko iyon at pinunas sa aking mga luha.

"I'm sorry.." he said in a low voice.

Hindi ako sumagot.

"It must've been so tough for you.. I'm sorry that I wasn't—" sinabayan ko siya.

"—wasn't there." Mapait kong ani. "I didn't expect you to be there anyway." I lied. God knows how much I dreamed of him caressing my face as I cry. He had no idea how many times I wanted to fly back here just to run to him. Siya lang ang sinasandalan ko noong mga panahong iyon. Na handa akong bumalik at kalimutan ang mga masasakit na sinabi niya para lang tanggapin ulit siya. I was so.. broken and desperate.

"I'm sorry.." iyon na lang ang palaging sinasabi niya. "When I heard that you flew overseas, I really tried to chase you, I wanted to chase you, Sadie. But I know that it's better to let you heal in a new environment with new people. I was made to believe that you cannot heal on the same place and with the same person who made you sick. I had to refrain myself from finding you so you could come back well.. "

"What if I didn't came back?" I asked. Ngayon ay nagkaroon na ako ng lakas para lingunin siya. Sinalubong ako ng malungkot niyang mga mata. Naroon pa rin ang pagiging seryoso, pero mas nananaig ang paninimbang. Tila iniingatan niya ang bawat galaw at salita dahil isang mali lamang doon ay maaari akong mabasag.