Beautiful Disasters- Hawks x OC

Chapter 113

               "Yeah... me too."

               "The guilt's eating me alive Sakura, but there's nothing I can do about it."

               The brunette shook her head. "You have nothing to feel guilty about," she told him.

               Hayato watched as the steam rose from his mug. "But I do. It's my fault she died, and I'm not saying that because I thought it was my job to keep her safe. It really was my fault she died."

               "What are you talking about?"

               Hayato's jaw clenched as he steeled himself to tell her, and he did. He told Sakura everything, from Ayuri's quirk manifesting to the phone call Mariko had given him while he was at the hospital, the vision that she had had, him telling Mari not to worry about any of it, and not bothering to tell her that she should take Ayuri's warning seriously. As he explained everything, he couldn't help the tears that trailed down his face. He hadn't told anyone at all about this and it was both freeing and damning to confess everything out loud.

               Sakura listened to all of it without interrupting him though she wanted nothing more than to assure him that none of it was his fault. While he had been trying to take care of all of him, he too had been suffering. He'd been carrying around such a huge weight on his shoulders alone for so long now, the brunette felt like an idiot for thinking he was doing okay.

               When he was done, she patted his shoulder and offered him a tissue so he could dry his eyes. "Hayato, you're always looking out for all of us, and I know we don't say it often enough but thank you for that. That being said, you shouldn't keep stuff like this to yourself for so long. It's not healthy." She waited a moment, and looked down at the ground as she considered her next words. "We've both known Mariko for a long time now. She didn't fear death, Hayato- she never did. She had everything ready in case she died, she was always prepared for that possibility. Telling her she wasn't going to make it back from that mission wouldn't have done a goddamn thing. She would've gone anyways, only she wouldn't have had the resolve to try to come back..." her voice broke as she thought about what would've happened if Hayato had told her. "If you had told her she probably would've just accepted her fate and let herself die easily, she probably would've tried to cut ties with us too if it would soften the blow. But you didn't tell her, and because of that she tried to live her life to the fullest until the very end. You gave her that, Hayato. She would be grateful to you. I only wish she could be here to tell you that in person."

               At her words, Hayato broke down completely. He was relieved that someone told him it wasn't his fault, but it was also crushing in a sense. It gave way to the painful realization that no matter what he or anyone else said or did, Mariko Saito would have died anyways. That was a fact. "I do miss her," he told her. "When she was here I'd only call her every once in a while... usually when I needed something. I've never regretted it so much."

               Sakura nodded in agreement "God I wonder what she'd say if she were here right now."

               "She'd probably kick our asses for crying about her for so long."

               She snorted. "Probably." Sighing, she wiped the stray tears that had escaped her eyes. "I wish they would legalize resurrection quirks. I mean, I get people can't live for ever but what's wrong with letting people die of natural causes? If we'd had someone like that on staff so many good agents would still be here...Mari included."   

               Hayato nodded in agreement, slightly writing off the wish as those quirks were very rare. His eyes widened however, when he remembered the woman who although was the catalyst for Mariko's death, had been mostly irrelevant until now. Taniko Baisho, the woman who resurrected Mineko. She was being held in the Tartarus Prison, and was scheduled to be executed sometime this year. She had the power to bring anyone back to life, and for a moment, Hayato entertained the idea of going to her for help and striking up some kind of a deal. He quickly cast it aside though. Although it hurt to admit it, Mariko was probably better off dead. She'd probably hate herself for dying and causing her loved ones pain, not to mention she would have to once again live with the trauma of killing one of the most precious people in her life twice. Besides, it defied the natural order of this world, and that was one of the things that needed to be respected.

               After talking some more and finishing his tea, Hayato thanked Sakura for talking with him. She had sent him off with a hug and a promise that she would always be there if he needed her, which he appreciated. As she flashed him a final and sad goodbye smile, Hayato's mind flashed once more to the notion that there was someone out there who could bring Mariko back. "I shouldn't think about this anymore. It's for the best."