Inevitable Withdrawal - cash au-

Walk Away

I finally get the courage to talk to him.

"Nash," I start as we walk down the hallway and he glances at me.

"Don't Cameron," he says quietly and I swallow back tears.

"Nash,please just-" I plead softly.

"Cameron, I said stop." He replies firmly and I close my mouth and I look down. My heart breaks a little bit more with each rejection.

When Friday evening arrives, I head straight to the hotel and I sit on the bed. I take out my phone and I fiddle with it for a bit before typing out a text to Nash.

Me- Nash, I'm in our room waiting for you. Please come, even if it's just to talk. I miss you. So much.

I press send and I lie back on the bed to wait for him to respond or to show up.

He read my message but he never responsed and I hold out, hoping that he changes his mind and comes to me. How can he drop me so abruptly? Doesn't he miss me?

I grow more and more despondent as I realize that Nash has no intention of coming to me or responding to my message. I decide to become a little bit more pathetic and I send him one last text before I leave our room.

Me-I'm still here Nash... waiting for you. Please just... don't do this to me.

I wait another hour and I finally give up. I head to my small apartment and I get undressed and crawl into bed right away. I bury my face in my pillow and I cry my heart out. The heaviness in my heart doesn't even lift, it just gets heavier.

I spend the weekend in my bed, depressed and alone, I wonder what Nash is doing, if he's happy or if he misses me like I miss him.

Sunday evening as I prepare my suit for work I make a decision for myself. I can't continue to work with him everyday and pretend that it's not torture. I can't undo my feelings for him, I can't live this way.

When I get our coffee Monday morning, I decide to put in for a transfer. I can't imagine that Nash will deny it. I'm sure he's been looking for a way to get rid of me.

I stop by human resources and fill out the necessary paperwork for the transfer to another office, it doesn't matter what I do, I'll start from the bottom if I have to.

Nothing changes about the way Nash treats me and I just go about my day, pretending that I'm okay when in reality I'm dying inside.

We're busy this week and it's good for me because it makes the days go by a little faster. Nothing changes about the work I do for Nash, I still love him, I still want to make him happy and I want him to be happy with me. It's pathetic to pine after someone who clearly has no feelings for you, he used me for sex, that's all that it was to him.

I wait a few weeks and when I don't hear anything back about my transfer request I stop by the office again to speak to the HR representative.

"Oh hi, honey. I'm sorry, I meant to email you about the transfer request," she says and I grow worried, it doesn't sound like good news. Maybe nobody wants me.

"Senator Grier denied the transfer request, Senator Gilinsky from Nebraska was very interested in working with you but unfortunately Senator Grier did not allow the request to go through. There's nothing we can do about it, he has the final say," she says sympathetically. I nod at her and when I leave and walk to the office, my mind is racing.

Why would he deny me the chance to move on? Does he want to torture me? Does he like to see me this way? Broken and depressed? I can't just quit either, I need this job, I can't pay my bills without it and I have no savings to hold me over.

I feel overwhelmed and I feel to the point of breaking down. When I enter the office, I stop in my tracks when I see Nash leaned against my desk. He looks up when he hears the door open and our eyes meet.

"You wanted to transfer, to Gilinsky?" Nash asks quietly and I shift my weight, I walk up to him and hand him his cup of coffee. He takes it and stares at it pensively.

"I wanted to transfer, period." I reply honestly, I'm not going to play games. I need to say what I feel and I can't be afraid of his reaction. I have to protect myself.

"Why?" He asks and I feel like scoffing.

"You know why, Nash." I tell him immediately and he looks back up at me. His eyes study my face, I'm sure he's taking in how absolutely horrible I look. I haven't had a restful sleep in weeks, I cry almost nightly, I've never felt this way before about anyone. None of my other break ups ever felt this way. I'm in love with Nash Grier and the stupid thing about it is if he wanted me back, I'd take him back in a heartbeat.

He doesn't say anything else after that he just goes into his office and shuts the door behind him. I sit down at my desk and I rub my eyes sadly. I need to figure something out, I can't imagine having to see him everyday, want him everyday and then have to leave him everyday. I don't have any Fridays to look forward to, or any trips, it's just a cold, distant work relationship.

I'm surprised when I return from my lunch break to find Senator Gilinsky walking out of Nash's office. I give him a small smile, he's from a conservative state as well, kind of like Nash. But they hold similar idealogies and often will support each other in various ways.

He stops by my desk and he gives me a small smile.

"I heard you were looking to transfer," he comments softly and I nod at him. "I'd love to work with you Cameron, I've heard nothing but good things about you. Unfortunately Nash is quite adament about not letting you go. It's actually the first time I ever saw him get close to losing his cool."

I blink with surprise. Why does Nash feel so strongly about not letting me transfer? Does he just want to cause me misery?

"Well, I would have love to work with you as well Senator Gilinsky," I reply to him and give him a small smile. I keep him in the back of my mind to use a possible reference in case I find a position outside of Capitol Hill where Nash can't stop me from leaving.

After he leaves Nash is different with me. He's not as cold or short in his answers to me, he actually looks at me when he's speaking to me. When we go to the meetings, he whispers things that he wants me to jot down. We're almost back to normal, but I still can't handle it. I can't handle wanting him so badly and being rejected again and again.

That Friday night, I do what I always do now, I go to my apartment immediately and I hide under my covers and pretend the world doesn't exist.

A/N- It'll all get better soon. PM me questions and I'll post the answers at the end of my chapters