TMNT Karai's Biggest Regrets

Farmhouse

The next day, I decided to take Raph's advice. I will go to Splinter's grave and try to find myself again. I know it's going to be hard but at this point I have nothing left to lose. I told my family that I am just going to Japan for a while. I told them it was something Foot related so they wouldn't ask questions.

I thought it might be easier if they didn't know where I was going. I don't need them to worry or check up on me. The only one who know where I'm going is Raph. 

Shini knocked on my door and came in. "Karai, are you sure you don't need me to go with you to Japan?" She asked full of concern. I had a lot of bad memories in Tokyo and Shini knows it, which is why she's so worried. "Don't worry Shini, I will be fine. Besides, you have Casey to keep you company while I'm away." I teased.

Shini smirked and blushed slightly. "Ok, but how long will you be gone?" She asked. I honestly don't even know. I don't want to come back to New York empty this time. I need to find out who I am and I am not coming back until I do. "I don't know, maybe a few months." 

Thankfully, Shini accepted my answer without questing. "Alright, well, you have fun dear, I will keep things in order while you're gone." I noticed Shini smirked mischievously for a moment. 

"Good." I grabbed my bag and turned to her, acting like I just remembered something. "Oh! Just to let you know I had Donnie put hidden cameras all over the place. So when I come back I can see what a great job you did 'keeping things in order.'" 

Shini crossed her arms and pouted. "You knew I was going to have Casey stay here, didn't you?" I smiled. "Oh Shinigami, you should know by now that nothing gets past me." I mocked before heading out the door. "Stay out of my room!" I called and Shini once again pouted.

...

I was driving on my motorcycle for two days and of course the one thing that I forgot to bring was my wallet! It's a good thing that I packed some food and drinks just in case. Another good thing that Raph called me and told me there was money stored away in the house from when they stayed there. Thank the heavens for that.

After a couple more hours of driving I finally arrived at the farmhouse. I hesitated going in the driveway. When I finally did the first thing I saw was Splinter's gravestone the turtles had built for him. I slowly turned off my bike and grabbed my things. Avoiding looking at the gravestone the whole time, though it was hard to. I quickly ran in the house and shut the door. 

I sighed. "Man Karai, you really are a coward." I whisper to myself as I start heading up the stairs. I went into the first bedroom I saw since it didn't really matter to me where I slept.

I put my bag on the bed and decided to unpack later. Right now I'm tired and I really want to at least get a couple hours in. I grabbed a blanket and a box that had my personal stuff in it and went downstairs.

...

I flipped from channel to channel on the TV but there was nothing to watch, finally giving up I turned it off. I kept gazing at the window knowing my father's body was out there buried underground. I shivered at the thought and sank down to the floor. I wrapped my blue blanket around me then my eyes landed on my personal cardboard box. I slid it over to me and opened it. It was mostly filled with old clothes, pictures, and journals.

I smiled a little bit when I saw my old green silk fabric. It was the only color Shredder ever allowed me to have in my life other than black and gray. Before Shredder, I used to always have it tied around my waist but then Shredder threatened to rip it into pieces if he ever saw it again. So, when I was in my bedroom I would just sit in my room and cuddle the silk fabric or sleep with it (sometimes I still do.) To this day I still don't know where the silk came from or who gave it to me. Laila told me I just had it under my baby blanket when Shredder brought me to her. I know damn well it wasn't from him so I can only assume it was from my mother or father.

Putting the fabric aside, my eyes widened when I saw the only picture of me, my mother, and father. It's the picture that father adored and always had on his shrine, looking at it lovingly. Leo gave it to me after he killed Shredder, told me that father would have wanted me to have it. I rejected it at first because I knew it was going to be too painful to have but Leo insisted.

I took the picture but just like everything else that's in my personal box. It was too painful to look at as I got reminded of the few memories I spent with Splinter. So, I locked it away. This picture is the only one that I had with my father. 

I sighed to myself as a thought came to my head. "Maybe, in order to move on, I have to feel pain." I mutter. I put the frame on the edge of the table and lit a few candles.

 I stare at it with teary eyes. "Father...can you see me?...Can you hear me?...I'm sorry, Father. For everything. Am trying to do better now, I really am. I know it's going to be hard but I'm going to do it, I promise."

 With tears running down my cheeks I inch closer to the picture. "I have been seeing you in my dreams. I don't know what they mean but I know they mean something.....Dad...Please, what are you trying to tell me? What am I supposed to do? Please, tell me."