Tangled Up

Chapter 24: Unspoken

"To all the words lost, to all the moments wasted. Credits to the hesitations and misunderstandings..."

One week, seventeen hours and nineteen minutes have passed since Aria last saw Rizz when he left her broken as he picked up the pieces of his shattered soul and drove away.
Both Aria and Rizz made sure to avoid any encounters with each other and thus none of them visited Fariha's house.

Today was also the last day for Aria at her university. She successfully got transferred to an esteemed B-school in Canada, quite close from the place that she was going to share with Rizz.

A weird feeling which was new but not uncomfortable crept up as she thought about sharing a place, a home with someone she loved but a dark cloud of disappointment floated above her thoughts as she was reminded that her love was unrequited and that Rizz only treated this like a 'deal'.

Aria was always the child who had no filter on and didn't know how to go about stuff diplomatically but obviously that never worked in her favour. She was always bashed and as she grew up, she became less and less social as she bottled up her feelings, measured her words and had friends who were extroverts as they were the only ones who cracked the shell open Aria seemed to bury herself in. She went too insecure and again started watching her steps after the Kabeer fiasco but when it came to Rizz, it hardly took her any time. It was like her soul knew Rizz's from a very long time as if long lost friends whose hearts were connected before. Given some more time and seeing the opulence of affection Aria carried for Rizz, she would've herself confessed to Rizz about her past with Kabeer, her shaky relationship with her family and her insecurities, but most importantly the feelings her heart carried for him.

But alas, that didn't happen and the incident that happened last week pushed her back into the hole she was in, if not deeper. The situation was very unfavourable as this time Rizz wasn't extending his hand towards her to pull her out of it.

He was at the very opposite end.

Sighing, Aria entered the gates of the place that held so many memories and emotions and maybe it was the last time she was entering here as a student.

She didn't have to attend any classes since she already got her transfer certificate but today she had to finally sign the leaving documents and give back all of her university email and books and suddenly it all felt too heavy, too real, too sad.

Sitting at one of the benches near the garden, she looked around as if trying to capture all the images, the air around her into her mind.

"Hey.", a voice startled her as she turned towards the source of it and almost did a double take when she saw Ziyadh standing in front of her.

There were two reasons for her shocked state. First was that she purposely came in early so that she could spend some time alone and get all sappy and another was that Ziyadh stood infront of her, looking directly at her with a smile.

"Hey. Finally decided to speak to me, huh?", her words came out more satirical than she intended.

Ziyadh gave a small smile, his face calm and relaxed as if he had made peace with everything that was going on.

"I know you know why that was. I never admitted that because I never wanted to make things awkward but oh well.", he shrugged as he settled on the end of the bench.

Aria looked at the ground, fiddling with the end of her bracelet as she found herself at loss of the words and for a split second she thought maybe it was good that Ziyadh didn't speak to her and wished he kept it like that.

Yes, sudden heavy conversations and confessions were not Aria's cup of tea, especially which were in person.

And Ziyadh knew her enough so he decided to take the lead in this conversation.

"Im sorry for making things weird. It was never my intention. Y'know I always tried to keep my liking towards you to myself and I was successful in doing that for quite some time but our friends are secret FBI agents or something."

The last part earned Ziyadh a chuckle from Aria and he instantly knew Aria was at ease now.

And he was right.

Aria finally looked at him with a smile.

"There's no need for you to apologize. Infact I should apologize to you, I guess."

Ziyadh raised his brow, clearly confused.

"Why?"

"Because now I know how it feels to actually love someone and not have it reciprocated."

..............................................

"Is life unfair to me or has it been too kind to me?"

This was the question Rizz often asked to himself. And he never really understood how to get an answer or to answer it himself.

He was grateful to be born in a family which never really suffered financially. He was also a good, bright kid who used to ace all his classes and was good in sports too. But when he lost his mum, he had a certain voice in his brain that told him life wasn't fair to him. He then completed his studies, got a job in a nice company and he again felt guilty for not being grateful enough because he sure had more than what some people didn't.

It was always a battle within himself trying to figure out where he stood and what exactly life wanted out of him, but he never really got the answer. For instance, he was good at what he was doing right now, professionally. He was one of the best business lawyers out there but he didn't really accept the profession like it did in accepting him. Rizz looked like the most serene, sorted guy but only he and his lord knew how tangled and confused he was from within.

The only thing he was sure was the decision of him getting married to Aria. He was very sure there was no one he wanted to be with other than Aria even though he didn't know how this little gamble of love he was playing will turn out while he put his heart out like a bait.

Seeing Aria numb that night when she had no answer of Kabeer's question broke Rizz inside out. He felt the same pain he felt few years back when his mother left. The same emptiness inside of him. Hollow.

That time his naive, young self blamed God.
This time, he didn't blame anyone. Instead, he submitted himself and his heart to his lord and believed in the power of Dua. And that gave him hope.

"What're you going to do about it now? Break off the engagement?", Yahya finally questioned after two days of knowing what was the reason of Rizz's dim eyes and fake smile.

"I feel like I created a perfect scenario in my head and expected it to turn out the exact same way in real life without actually knowing what she wanted or from where she was coming from. I'm not breaking off the engagement. But I'm too exhausted to contribute anything emotionally into this marriage and I guess she too is.", Rizz answered as he could feel the sharpness of his words stab him in every inch of his soul.

There are silences inside you that you need to explore, there are storms that are waiting to be fought against. All this while stay strong but don't mistaken being strong to being unkind to yourself. Be kind to your soul for it had suffered and survived far many wounds than you can fathom, my love...