Frostbite

Ten

We returned to our normal sizes, landing back on the platform in the hangar. I glanced around in excitement, my eyes peering around at every face that had made it back.

"Did we get them all?" Bruce breathed happily, his arms outstretched as he stepped forward.

"You telling me this'll actually work?" Rhodey blurted with a grin.

My blood ran cold when my eyes landed on Clint, who had dropped to the floor in agony. There was a single person missing. I dashed forward and stopped directly in front of him.

"Clint, where's Nat?" I whispered in horror.

His silence was deafening. I dropped down in front of him and he jolted forward to embrace me. Natasha couldn't be gone. It couldn't be true. She had been the light of our group, had never lost hope this entire time.

We stayed like that, both of us crying freely as we clung to each other. It was too much. Ice crept across the platform as the sorrow took hold of me. No one else said a single word, too grief stricken and in shock to think of anything to say.

Tony appeared behind me, pulling on my sleeve gently. I pulled away from Clint and peered up at him, my breath ragged and uneven. That's when I noticed that I could actually see my breath in the air, Tony's too. The temperature has dropped drastically, and I hadn't even noticed.

I let him pull me to my feet as Rhodey went to Clint. Then something hit me. The vision. It hadn't been a warning about Thanos snapping. It had been a warning about Vormir. The death planet we had naively sent Natasha and Clint to. That's how Thanos had gotten the stone. And I'd realized it too late.

"Oh god," I sobbed, growing more agitated every second, "Oh my god."

Tony motioned for Steve to come take me from him as I was still frozen in shock. He pried the stone from my hand and leaned in so only I could hear.

"You're fine okay. Let me take this from you- and Steve here, will take you out of here alright? It's gonna be okay, Lanie."

Steve wrapped his arm around me, and we slowly made our way out of the hangar. How could it ever be okay though? Her death wasn't okay, not even remotely. She had been my best friend and I'd failed her.

Before I knew it, we were outside. The sun shone brightly on us, almost like it was mocking us with its promising rays. He led me to the dock out by the water and I plopped down on one of the seats.

I barely glanced at him; I couldn't bear to. His eyes were filled with unspilled tears for his lost friend. We were supposed to bring everyone home. She wouldn't be here for it. I reached out for his hand, and we stayed like that for a bit while I tried to calm down.

"I'm sorry. This is my fault," my voice raspy from crying. His face turned to mine in surprise.

"It's not your fault, baby."

I shook my head and explained what I had realized. What I had really been shown. His face contorted in understanding, and he knelt in front of me to look into my eyes.

"That still doesn't make it your fault. You couldn't have been expected to piece that together. You can't blame yourself-"

"But I do! We sent them to a death planet, Steve. What did we think was gonna happen? She gave her life..." I spluttered in anger, "And then you- You left without a goddamn word to me. You and Tony both. I've had enough loss for a lifetime. You can't just do that-"

I was panting as my rant eventually turned to yelling and I shot from my seat. The lake began freezing over, the sky darkening to match my emotions. Steve grabbed my face, forcing me to look at him, his blue eyes boring into mine.

"I'm sorry, Mel. I should have waited for you. I didn't realize... I didn't realize how scared that would make you. You have every right to be pissed... Natasha wouldn't want you to blame yourself either. She knew what she was doing when she made her choice. We'll get through this."

I sighed as his words managed to relax me. Our surroundings returned to normal, and I embraced him tightly.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you. It's just- too much to process. You lost her, too. I'm sorry."

"It's alright," he soothed in my ear, stroking my hair comfortingly.

The other original Avengers were coming across the lawn, heading for us. I straightened up and gave a meek smile, wiping my tear-stained face.

No one said a word for a while. Everyone was deep in their own thoughts. Tony leaned against me on one of the benches, being the first to break the silence.

"Do we know if she had family?"

"Yeah. Us," Steve mumbled with a shake of his head.

Thor turned with an odd look on his face, "What?"

"I just asked him a question-"

"Yeah, you're acting like she's dead. Why are we acting like she's dead? We have the stones, right? As long as we have the stones, Cap- we can bring her back, isn't that right?" Thor raved, growing louder in his grief, "So stop this shit. We're the Avengers, get it together."

"We can't get her back," Clint disagreed, his voice quiet.

"Wha- what?"

"It can't be undone. It can't."

Thor laughed in disbelief, stomping toward Clint. Everyone tensed as he continued to lash out.

"I'm sorry. No offense, but you're a very earthly being. Okay? We're talking about space magic. And 'can't' seems very definitive don't you think?"

His comment made the wheels in my head begin to turn, but now wasn't the time for me to ask Clint any questions about what exactly happened. The stones needed to be returned as soon as possible. It would have to wait.

"Yeah, look, I know that I'm way outside my pay grade here. But she still isn't here, is she?" Clint snapped at him.

"No, that's my point-"

"It can't- be undone. Or that's at least what the red floating guy had to say," Clint shouted, waving his arms around, "Maybe you wanna go talk to him, okay? GO GRAB YOUR HAMMER, AND YOU GO FLY AND TALK TO HIM!" There was a beat of stunned silence and he spoke again, his voice breaking as he did. "It was supposed to be me. She sacrificed her life for that goddamn stone. She bet her life on it."

Bruce suddenly snatched one of the benches and hurled it across the water, it splashing loudly in the center.

"She's not coming back. We have to make it worth it. We have to." he breathed.

"We will," I replied, my voice deadpan. For Natasha we'd make sure we didn't fail.