☆ yellow ☆ (zukka AU)

chapter 36

zuko's POV

'i'll think about it'

he'll think about it. he'll consider whether i'm worth staying here for or not... but i already know that i am not.

i take in a deep breath, because i have to act like him leaving wouldn't make my world crumble. i take a few steps back, then start walking loudly towards the kitchen, so hakoda and sokka can notice i'm there.

"uhm- it's getting pretty late, so um- i guess i- i should go home now" i stutter from the doorway.

hakoda gives me a warm smile, and i force one too in response, but sokka stares at me with concern. his dad doesn't know it, but we've never really slept apart that much since we got together. it was mostly because sokka made the nightmares i had about my father go away, and now it has become a habit.

judging by the look sokka is giving me, i am pretty sure that he's well aware i heard the conversation he had with his father.

"do you want me to give you a ride?" hakoda asks me, but i shake my head.

"thank you, but i'm ok with walking" i reply and he doesn't insist.

i say my goodbyes to everyone, then sokka walks me to the front porch of his house and closes the door behind him.

"are you sure you don't wanna stay over?" sokka stares at me with his big, blue eyes. "my dads would totally be ok with it"

he grabs my hand and makes that puppy face of his.

"maybe next time" i smile faintly and he pouts a little.

as i'm about to turn around and leave, sokka pulls me into a hug in which i sink immediately. i wrap my arms around him and bury my head in his shoulder, while he caresses my hair gently, squeezing me tightly.

"you know that i love you, no matter what, right?" he speaks after we hold the warm embrace for a moment.

somehow his words make me even sadder and i wanna break down right there. it may be just in my head, but why did that sound like a goodbye?

i nod, because i can't let out any words, then i finally leave him behind and start walking towards my house.

--

i've been laying in my bed for hours, staring at the ceiling while holding the stuffed turtle duck that sokka gave me, unable to fall asleep. the sheets are so cold without him here and i don't like the fact that i've become somehow dependent of his presence. i know it's not healthy, but i also don't ever want to be apart from him more than necessary.

i can't stop thinking about the possibility of him leaving to another country... without me. i know he cares about me a lot, but- am i more important to him than his future?

it would be selfish of me to ask him to stay here just for me, and i can't do that when i know it would be best for him if he left. setting aside the better university choices and higher paid jobs, he wouldn't be forced to stay far away from his parents anymore.

i can't make him choose between me and his family, it wouldn't be fair. i guess i should take a step back and encourage him to do what's best for him, because his well being is way more important than whatever i'm feeling.

he would literally rip my heart out and take it with him if he actually left, but knowing that he would live a better life is worth all the suffering.

but for real now, why on earth would he refuse such an opportunity? for me? huh, that would surely be dumb. yes, i do know he loves me, but i also know i'm not that special, so it's not like he wouldn't be able to replace me at some point in his life. even if it would take some time... he would get over me, it's innevitable.