☆ yellow ☆ (zukka AU)

chapter 12

zuko's POV

apparently, living with an abusive father for the first 18 years of my life has its advantages. i can tolerate pain really well.

those random guys did nothing that i haven't felt before thanks to my father, so i manage to get home after spirits know how much time.

when uncle iroh sees me, he almost has a heart attack and insists on rushing to the hospital, but all i wanna do is go upstairs and cry.

i know he only wants what's best for me, but i can't deal with anyone right now, so i shut the door to my room, lock it and let myself fall on the floor.

uncle tries to talk me into letting him inside to help me clean up my wounds, but i put on my headphones and turn up the volume until my eardrums hurt, so i can't hear any of his words.

i lift up my sweatshirt and examine my bruised ribs. let's just hope they aren't broken, cause they sure hurt like hell and the purple-ish colour covering them isn't comforting at all.

i know i have dry blood all over my face and clothes, so, once again, i am glad i don't have a mirror in my bathroom. if i saw myself right now, i would probably break down completely.

i somehow find some strenght to take off my clothes and get in the bathtub. i let the burning hot water pour all over me as i hug my knees and lean my head on them, staring into a blank spot.

i feel nothing and, at the same time, i feel everyhing.

how is that even possible? i know it doesn't make any sense, but i can't find better words to describe it. i want to cry, but i can't even do that, it's like i'm empty inside.

my skin is burning, but i start rubbing the blood off me, trying to ignore the excruciating pain i feel whenever i touch certain parts of my body. the water slowly turns red and i think i'm gonna puke.

when i feel like i got rid of every trace of tonight's events, i put on a hoodie that is twice my size and some sweats, then get under a blanket.

i hug myself and i realise i'm shaking badly, even if i just got out of the hot shower.

i hear my phone buzzing and i can barely lift it from the nightstand. i see 20 messages from sokka, 13 missed calls, some from him, some from my uncle and also some texts from jet.

i can't really focus on sokka's messages, but he seems worried that i didn't answer until now. i look at the time and see that it's 2 in the morning. when did it get so late?

i force myself to type "i'm fine" and i send it to him, then turn my wi-fi off because i can't stand to talk to anyone at the moment.

he's going out with jin tomorrow and i have no right to be jealous, but i can't say that it doesn't hurt, because it does. it hurts. really, really bad.

spirits, i'm not even good enough for him and i could never be. even if he did like boys, he deserves so much better than me.

what do i even have to offer? childhood trauma? abandonment and trust issues? nobody wants to deal with that crap and i wouldn't want to burden sokka with it.

my eyes start to sting and warm tears slowly find their way to the surface. i might as well drown in them, because i'm certain they won't stop streaming down my face very soon.

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sokka's POV

"i'm fine"? "i'm fine"!?!

is that his only answer after i was worried sick that nobody knew where he was and he wasn't answering his phone?

i texted him like crazy and he responded with that? what the hell?