In My Dreams

Chapter Forty-Three

Ada

The restaurant was full looking around at all the busy tables. There are families with their children, businessmen in their suits intoxicated, clearly needing food to soak up consumed alcohol. An elderly couple eating side by side people watching as they come and go. The noise levels are high when a group of twenty something year old women walk in, giggling and swearing disturbing the other diners.
We order our food and decide taking away in hopes we can find a quiet spot out in the open so we can talk. It wasn't long until our order was cooked and our number was called for us to collect.
We find a bench to sit on which was tucked back from the road giving us enough privacy and quiet.
I'm enjoying the mouth-watering flavours, the juicy beef and then ketchup that spills from the sides. I chomp away at the burger despite choosing to make it last however the whole thing is gone too soon. I feel so happy with myself that all the worries I had on the journey over here have now distanced themselves as If I was some kind of dangerous virus.
I'm rummaging through the paper bag for more loose chips and quickly devour them. Jaxon is still eating his which makes me wonder if I ate mine like a pig.
"How's your day been?" I ask him sliding the last chip into my mouth.
"It's been good. I've been commissioned for two more paintings today." He answers with a contagious smile.
"That's fantastic news! What have you been asked to paint this time?" I ask, checking his bag for more chips.
"I was emailed some photos of the sunset in Barbados. Whoever took the photo caught it at such a perfect moment where the sun beats through some clouds so the colour contrast is staggering." I love how he gets excited about the diverse colour schemes. He enjoys his work so much. I wish I had the same enthusiasm in my job.
"You will have to show me the photo when we get back to the flat." I add.
He pushes the last bite of his burger into his mouth, wiping away a blob of mustard from the corner of his mouth. "How was your day?"
"Weird." I inform him. "Proper weird."
Just as the first bite of spring wind creeps around my shoulders, Jaxon wraps his arms around my body bringing me peace in the darkness just as if it was a calm before the storm, or so I get that feeling. Being here like this with him gives me hope for the future. Being in his embrace makes me feel like I have nothing out there to fear. Only if they were true.
"Why weird?" He quizzes kissing the top of my head.
"Richard and I had the strangest chat earlier. He told me things that I don't trust, I just can't figure out why. I have this feeling that whatever he told me, is all somehow connected back to me." I answer. I tell Jaxon everything, not missing a single detail out. I pulled out the folded note I wrote earlier and passed it to Jaxon to read.
"What is this?" He asks.
"I had to write all what was said down. Richard said Alex's name, Jaxon. I have never mentioned him to anyone before. Don't you think that's a bit strange?"
"Could just be coincidence Ada. You and Alex were together for five years, you must have brought him up at some point in conversation. I wouldn't read too much into it otherwise it's going to make you paranoid." He folded up the piece of paper and stuffed it back into my pocket. I feel myself pulling away from his arms and my head turned to face him. "So that's that then? He told me some deep stuff, Jaxon. He wouldn't have told me all of this if it didn't mean anything." I argue.
"Ada, he probably just needed someone to talk to and he saw you there. I agree that you've made a good case but this is your boss." He tucks my hair behind my ears and cups my cheek with his hand. "Stop over analysing this. Give your mind a rest for one night." He advises.
I lay myself back into Jaxon's body defeated, observing the city crowds of people weaving in and out of each other chatting as they go. I notice there are some with their heads down lost in thought and I wonder what their private worlds are like.
I lay sunk down into Jaxon's body trying to steal some of his heat to keep warm as the cold weather seeps through my clothing as I shiver. "Come on." Jaxon whispers. "Let's get you home."
My hands are shivering, I reach for Jaxon's hand for warmth just another excuse to draw myself closer to him. Night has fallen fast upon us. No more than thirty minutes ago the sky was painted with tones of red, pink and orange. All the colours had to fade away leaving only the black sky with no stars to be looked upon. The city lights are too bright to show the real beauty of the stars.
"Have you heard from Jess?" I ask, looking up at him curiously. There was no anger, no sadness no joy or resentment on his face when he hears her name.
"I can't remember the last time I spoke to her, before our engagement party I think." He answers.
He saw the shock register on my face before I could hide it. "Don't you think it's strange that one moment you can't get rid of her and now she's nowhere to be found the next?" I theorised.
How is it that just a thought can bring long buried emotions and stir what was settled. I shouldn't have said anything but what else is there to say when it's been beating me in the brain ever since the engagement party. I can't avoid asking these questions any longer.
"Maybe she's happy. She has a distraction, it's good, no? I thought you would be ecstatic she's not around." He tells me. I can sense he's feeling uncomfortable with the interrogation of that tart.
"Or she could be dead?" I know what I just said okay... because I was standing there when I said it. The words flew out my mouth like vomit. I knew instantly from the look on his face how shocked he was with my choice of words. Jaxon abruptly puts the breaks on his heels and shakes away my hand from his.
"What the fuck Ada. Why would you say something like that?" He barks.
I can already tell this is going to start a tornado of an argument. "I'm sorry for blurting that out. I don't know what came over me." Guilt rears its ugly face again.
"Oh, fuck off, Ada. You knew what you were saying. I bet you would love that wouldn't you, to find out she's dead so she will never bother us again." His voice picked up a few notches and now all the passer-by's I was so intent on watching earlier are now watching us.
"Excuse me? Did you just tell me to fuck off?" I feel my knuckles turning white as I clench my fists tight. "You know what, fuck it... yeah I admit, the thought of her being dead has entered my mind a few times. You can't blame me for thinking these things, she is involved somehow. With Alex or Chris I don't fucking know any more. She's there tormenting me one minute and now she's nowhere to be seen. She tells us she's met some guy who happens to be my fucking boss that I haven't even met yet, oh, and not to mention the bracelet? I could go on and on because this plot thickens each and every single fucking day." I pace around him as the anger escapes me. "If you are so concerned for the bitch then why don't you pull out your fucking phone and call the fucking whore. You know what... fuck you Jaxon." I storm off in the opposite direction. I can hear Jaxon yelling my name as my rage has me in and out of this emotional roller coaster while he is shouting for me to stop. I don't give him the satisfaction; my hormones will not allow me to see reason right now.
"Ada where do you think you're going?" He calls after me as his legs glide across the pavement not making any real effort to keep up with mine.
"Away from you." I blurt at him. I watch my feet on the flecked pavement as it starts to spit with rain. My steps are small and rapid but I'm quickly losing steam as I struggle to take a breath.
"Please Ada. Slow down before you hurt yourself or something." He says as he successfully reaches for my arm and grabs me pulling me into his body with one fell swoop.
"Get off me Jaxon. Can you let me go!" I tell him while I attempt to force my way out from his hold but his strong muscly arms keep me imprisoned.
"I'm not letting you go until you calm down." He yells but I'm too angry to even register his words.
"I can't calm down. I'm pissed at you. You told me to fuck off." I growl as my struggles continue.
"Calm down, please. Stop fighting me." He pleads through gritted teeth.
The rain starts to fall with its chaotic drops, as it mingles with my tears.