MR. TURNER

29. Decisions

Ben?

"Hey Ben.. what's up?" I say cautiously.

I'm sure he's calling to ask what's going on because no doubt some how, some way Elizabeth has found out about the office debacle with Will already.

It actually impresses me how quickly she finds shit out.

"El.. I don't know what to do... I need to know if this baby is mine... I mean what do I do?"

Oh... That's right. Through all the shit I've been dealing with I totally forgot about this.

Makes me wonder whether Will has actually made any progress with finding out either...

Probably not.

"Ben, I don't really know how you do it but you've got to speak to Elizabeth and ask her otherwise you might need your lawyers involved..."

I hear his defeated sigh on the other end of the phone. I so badly just want to clean this up for everybody but alas, I have my own mess that needs cleaning up.

"Yeah, I've tried with Elizabeth... She's nuts!" He cried.

I stifle a giggle before completely agreeing with Ben.

We have a quick chat before I hang up.

I debate whether I should open the ever accumulating messages from Will.

I will more than likely make myself feel worse or I could also let rip at him.

Decisions, decisions...

Me: After everything, telling me that you could possibly be the father of another woman's baby, the "off-limits" comment just to rattle off a few. you do this? I mean Jesus Christ Will... I'm not sure I can do this with you anymore.

That felt good, I mean I know it's probably not something we should be having out over text messages but I don't want to even look at him right now, let alone sit down and have an adult conversation with him.

His reply was instant. Not that I was expecting anything less..

Will: El please.. I fucked up big time and I'm sorry, please don't make a decision whilst you're angry at me.
Let me fix this... Please. I do love you...

I'm not sure why men do that... Ask for your understanding and support, tell you they can't be without you and that they love you, yet, seem to throw it back in your face but then expect you to stick around, promising it'll never happen again.

Me: We need to speak in person.

I couldn't express anything else without giving away the whole "I'm pregnant and it's yours" thing. It's not something he should know via text.

Will: my house? 6pm?

I scoff.

Me: coffee shop near work @ 6pm. See you then.

I throw my phone onto the bed, without checking for a reply and headed for a warm bath.

As I undress, I catch my reflection. A little bump has finally made an appearance, although I kind of look the same, definitely could be mistaken for bloating.

I place my hand over it, loosing myself in my thoughts and how I thought this would play out, none of it is what I had imagined.

I smile though, regardless of the outcome, there's new life, right here. Ready for the world and all it's glory, motherhood, a new life in itself.

Regardless of how all this pans out, I'm ready for it.

"El?" I'm brought out my daydream as William's face comes into view.

The coffee shop was still pretty busy, loved up couples huddled in the cosy corner booths and the families popping in for one last pastry before heading home.

I try to look anywhere but at William. I think I'll cry if I look at him too long. The memory of the night in his office just makes me sick.

Grow up Eleanor.

I take a deep breath and drag my unwilling eyes to him. He looks like shit.

The dark circles hanging from his eyes, the colour somewhat drained from his face and his hair dishevelled.

He deserves at least that.

"El.. I'm so sorry... Can you please-"

I cut him off before he could say anymore.

"Will, what the fuck? Why? Apart from you being a total asshole, I just keep wondering why? I probably won't understand why you did what you did but I have something you need to know, regardless how how we end up." I say confidently.

I take a deep breath and straighten myself up.

Will looks worried. He leans in a little closer, making sure to not miss a word that's about to come out my mouth.

"I'm pregnant and it's your child. 100%" I say in almost one breath. My eyes are tightly shut, afraid to see the reaction I'm about to receive.

All I can hear is the clanging of coffee cups and light chatter. Its strange considering William always has something to say about everything yet this, this has pretty much rendered him useless.

I open my eyes, and take a quick glance over at William. His normally stoic features have softened and he's.. smiling?

Okay...

"El..." He reaches out to grab my hand but I pull it back into my lap. I could sense the rejection he just felt but regardless of this I cannot be soft.

"It's the best news I've heard in my entire life... I mean that. I- I mean there so much we have to fix now... Because of me.. I'm so sorry... I really am." His eyes pleading with me to hurry up and forgive him.

"You've got alot of making up to do, and you also have another potential child and baby mumma. Figure it out William. Talk to me when you're ready."

I say confidently as I grab my bag and scarf and head out the coffee shop. I'd left him sitting at the table, mouth wide open and just staring at my retreating figure. A small smirk had reached his lips just as I was out of eye shot.

It's such an empowering feeling to finally stand up for yourself and for what you want.

I head down the street to the waiting taxi with a smile on my face and the weight of negativity lifted from my shoulders.