crave [wk]

twenty-seven

4th marking period is killing me im sry for every other day updates
/

"we can do coffee cam today," kalynn suggests as she scoops up the eggs she just made. you're all sitting on the couch with your pajamas still on.

weston eyes you, silently communicating with you. you nod your head, knowing that he's probably wondering if he can let kalynn know about last nights conversation.

"me and you can do it. y/n's gonna take a bit of a break from socials for a little," he tells kalynn as he fidgets with the strings on his sweats.

"we don't have to do it without you if you don't want us to," she speaks softly towards you as she shoves another spoonful of eggs in her mouth.

"no, really it's okay. if anything i'd rather you guys continue uploading, it'll make the break feel more normal."

"okay," she gives you a warm smile, "what do you want us to pick up for you? we're probably just gonna go to starbucks."

"grande vanilla sweet cream cold brew please! and thank you," you give her a wide smile, standing up to put your empty bowl of cereal into the kitchen.

they both start a conversation over in the living room as you walk towards your room. you're kind of unsure about what to do, the unfortunate fact is that your whole life is on social media lately.

it wasn't like this before, if anything you used to only go on social media when you were streaming or uploading something.

throughout the entirety of the pandemic, you started developing a hatred for your actions in a way you never have before. you've never been a completely secure person, but it's gone go extreme levels over the past year.

you get genuinely angry with yourself over how late you wake up, or how many hours your screen time is. it's passed the point of frustration, it's actual anger towards yourself and how you decide to spend your time.

the only thing you've been able to keep up with is hygiene. but even sometimes you can't keep up with that.

your mind is constantly tainted with negative thoughts towards yourself, it's the most mentally draining thing to experience.

other people never have an issue pointing things out as well, which is really why you need to get off of social media.

you either speak to quiet, but then you're too loud. you dress too slutty, but then you're dressed as if you're going to a church service.

even little things, like people telling you your headset is ugly, and then making fun of your earbuds.

you deal with people treating you as a doll every second of everyday. what most people don't realize, is that streamers aren't celebrities. if you make a post about you guys, nine times out of ten you'll  see it.

the last thing you need to see at the end of the day is someone begging you to alter your appearance for them. when will people ever get in the mind set that content creators don't want to change themselves because a stranger asked them to?

weston is going through that to an extreme level right now,  and it's frustrating for you to constantly see.

hes talked to about it before, letting you know how much it aggravates him. people treat him as their dress up toy, always critiquing him for the way he displays his appearance.

this is the issue with you not being on social media. your mind wonders, and usually only goes to negative memories or thoughts.

you hate that, social media shouldn't have to be a requirement for your happiness.

you walk over to your pc, turning it on and plugging in your earbuds.

your door opens, causing you to move your attention from your monitor over to your door frame. weston walks in, hovering behind your chair as he looks down on you.

"we're heading out, text me if you need anything," he leans down, silently signaling for you to lean your lips upwards to meet his. his lips brush against yours in a quick peck.

"have fun, love you," you say as he walks out the door, his shoes echoing against the hardwood.

"love you!" the apartment door shuts, both of them on the way to the parking garage.

you stare at your monitor, fighting the urge to stream. reluctantly, you close twitch, opening up discord and clicking on you, hoover, and aksel's group message.

you start a vc, hoping that at least one of them will join and keep you company.

"yo!" hoover joins, making you smile at the enthusiasm in his voice. "you left early last night, couldn't even give you a good night."

"i was seriously so tired, i got like 3 hours of sleep the night before," you shake your head, closing out random tabs.

"3 hours?!"

"look," you screen share, showing the screenshots you sent to your pc from your phone, "this is my post mates person letting me know my fro yo is here at 5am. we ordered it at 10 pm, the guy fell asleep with it in his freezer and brought it over seven hours later. it was literally rock solid too."

"WHAT"

"I KNOW and i kept getting notifications from post mates telling me some bullshit like 'dont go anywhere just yet! your food is still on the way!' like every 10 minutes. of course i felt obligated to wait for this man to show up on door step, so weston and i literally stayed up until 5 am just so we could get the god damn fro yo and go to bed."

"weston had so much energy though, no way he got the same amount of sleep as you," he replies while crunching on something, sounded like some kind of bread.

"he had like 3 coffees the next morning," you laugh, hearing him laugh as well. aksel joins the call, it was late for him, morning for you.

"hey," he says through his mic, sounding pretty tired compared to you and hoover.

"hello hello we were just talking about post mates," you nod, opening up minecraft and starting a new random single player survival world.

"y/n do you wanna do an among us stream with hoover and i a bit later? i just wanna see the new map," he asks, his discord profile pic showing through your monitor.

"i wish but i think i'm gonna take a quick break from socials. just for a bit, but i can not do it right now dude," you shake your head, chopping down a tree and making a crafting table.

"i was thinking about doing that. everyone is on this psychotic level of crazy right now."

"right? i swear everytime i open up an app one of us is being critiqued. and of course the hundreds of comments agreeing with it," you huff, gathering stone.

"EXACTLY do people think we can't see it," you can practically see his expression as he speaks.

"don't forget about the people that block us and then say something shitty about us," hoover jumps in, getting a laugh out of aksel.

the rest of the call went as it usually does, whenever it's just the three of you it's always very calm and over all relaxing pointless chatter.

kalynn and weston came back about a half hour later, bringing you your drink. you still wanted to do first sip with them, they both came in your room and put the camera down against your pc.

"first sip!" they're both standing behind you, you're in your desk chair sitting cross legged with weston's sweatpants and sweater on.

"you can do twitter questions without me," you sip your coffee, unmuting yourself to continue talking to hoover and aksel again.

you managed to get through the rest of the day with absolutely no social media at all, the huge weight lifted off of your shoulders was bigger than you expected.

the only thing you wished was that the people who considered you their comfort streamer would be okay without you for a bit.

/
i might do an enemy's to lovers weston book next idk tho maybe not enemy's but something close to it but also maybe not that all idk idk

// edit : i wrote it^ it's completed on my profile called hesitant <3