a louis to go, please! » stylinson au

31: mom? it's me

Harry left and with that left a cold spot in his heart that could only be filled from another person, who wasn't the best state either.

Louis needed somebody. Usually he would talk to Harry, but this was something he couldn't talk about with Harry.

So Louis dropped his sisters off at their friend's houses and drove straight to this huge building he used to be afraid of as a child.

Louis still didn't liked going to the hospital, the white walls and the smell of medicine, knowing that there could be dying people behind all those closed doors, all of this was giving him anxiety.

He certainly knew that behind that one door, 228, there was a dying human. And unfortunately, he knew them all too well.

The car was parked in the barking lot, the engine was shut off and Louis' head was resting on the steering wheel as he tried to prevent the tears from falling.

This should be like every other day, walking in, greeting the nurse and seeing all the things he is already familiar with. But Louis just never seemed to be getting used to this.

He would never get used to the fear growing inside of him, his chest tightening whenever he was standing in front of this damn door and couldn't bring himself to walk in.

In the end he still had to, so he got out of the car and walked inside, greeted the nurse with a weak smile, forced himself to say a quiet "Hello" and then made his way to the stairs.

If everything was like always, he would take the girls with him next week. They could see her again, hold her hand and talk about their day.

Louis was standing in front of the door again, his right hand was gripping the door handle, his knuckles were turning white as he blinked away his tears.

He had to, just open the door, it won't be that bad.

"Louis."

He flinched and turned around, looking into the soft and tired grey eyes from the doctor. "Doctor" Louis greeted and nodded, fiddling with his fingers uncomfortably.

He didn't wanted the doctor to say something, he wanted him to keep walking down the hall and into another door to check up on a mother and her baby.

"I'm afraid to tell you that her state has not improved" He admitted, his eyes full of sympathy. Louis nodded and looked down, "As long as it didn't got worse."

The doctor placed his hand on his shoulder, squeezing it softly and gave Louis an apologetic smile. As if that could fix everything, it won't ever do anything.

Louis resisted the urge to pull at his hair, wanting the voices to calm down already because it was getting too much. "Louis, you need to let go someday."

He nodded again, shook his hand off of his shoulder and opened the door, closed it behind him and looked at the bed and the beeping machines.

And in the middle of it all was his own mother, eyes closed and in the most terrible state she has ever been in.

An incredibly agonizing pain, that seemed to be coming from his own soul, made itself noticeable. Louis sat down next to the bed, grabbed her hand and dropped his head on the mattress, let his tears fall and be weak in his mother's presence.

"Mom, I need you, please don't leave" He sobbed, hating the way that he had to do all of this shit alone, "You need to watch the girls grow up, you need to be there for them, you need to hug and kiss them one last time, mom, please."

He never let go of her hand once, not daring to let her go in any way in fear of her just slipping away. He couldn't handle to get a call from the doctor, he didn't wanted the first words to be "I'm sorry", he didn't wanted to tell the girls that mom would be another star in the sky, he didn't wanted to say things like "She isn't in pain anymore, she's watching over you girls. She will make sure that you'll be okay".