Hello Tutorial • liskook.

Chapter 40 • Pt. 1

Of course, since that refuted all her logic with EVIDENCE, her mother decided to grit her teeth and take the hand mirror she had on the nightstand to check her makeup, which was of course still perfect.

Lisa sighed in exasperation. "Is it that hard?" she asked at last, putting her hands on her waist, now simply covered in a thin white strap shirt, her cardigan lying forgotten on a small white armchair in the corner of the room.

"What?" her mother asked without understanding.

"Is it that hard to just trust me?" Lisa added. "I'm serious. Is it that hard? Because I know I haven't been the best daughter and I made a lot of mistakes, I was reckless as a teenager, my decisions were questionable and I wasn't the daughter you expected," she listed with her fingers and leaned forward to continue: "you leave it clear every. single. time," she remarked each word wearily, through clenched teeth and at least that last part affected her mother, her gaze quickly softening in sudden realization because apparently she didn't regard her comments as clear statements that she hated to have Lisa as daughter.

"But I've done so well since I'm here," she continued, lighting her voice on a sigh, gaining a new kind of courage because all that melodrama had given her the realization that she was sick of things they were like that. "I have really good grades in general, I study hard when I have to, I work, for God's sake!" she pointed out exactly because how many friends did her mother have whose daughters all they did all day was file their nails and go shopping? Why couldn't she be proud that at least Lisa did something for her life and for getting what she wanted? 

Wasn't it admirable to have a hard-working child? Jungkook's mother was throwing him flowers all the time and even Chaeyoung's parents were so proud of her art.

"I do gigs and I have a stable job, I have something big coming up soon and you still think I have no common sense because I'm not doing what YOU want and since it is like that, you shit on it and treat me like I'm stupid!"

Her mother opened her mouth, stammering in surprise. "I don't-"

Lisa didn't let her keep going, anyway she was going to say some shit that they both knew it wasn't true. "This is why I never tell you about what's going on in my life, this is why I don't feel comfortable sharing my success with you, this is why I hate spending time with you and I do everything possible to keep you away," she finally confessed and she could see the pain cross her gaze as if she had just stabbed her with a knife but what difference did it make, at this point Lisa was numb. "All the times I went back to Thailand, it was to see grandma, my friends, my cousins, everyone but you and dad"

Her mother cocked her head to the side, crossing her thin arms full of gold bracelets over her chest, to prevent Lisa from noticing how much those words affected her but Lisa saw it clearly and somehow it was relieving to see that at least her mother did care. Her jaw was clenched tightly.

"You make me feel like real shit sometimes," Lisa blurted out and was surprised by the sudden lump in her throat and the threat of tears in her eyes because she thought she was used to it by now but saying it out loud, admitting her feelings, was much more hard than just making jokes about being a disappointment. "I hide things from you all the time because I don't want to hear that the only person that is biologically supposed to support me shits on it as if it was trash," then she earned a look from her mother, her eyes red and watery. Lisa clenched her jaw to hold back the tears from the helplessness and frustration that ran through her veins, fed up with this and everything and regretting not having faced this situation much earlier. "It's because of you that I hid the only man I ever loved and I hurt his feelings, I made him feel the same way you make me feel and I was so damn arrogant to realize what I was doing, just like you!"