Three's a crowd

64

I didn't sleep much that night. I tossed and turned, clinging to Rileys pillow as if it would somehow comfort me enough to close my eyes long enough to rest. Instead I would find periods of silence where my mind wouldn't turn off, followed by waves of nausea. Just another reminder that I needed to stop by the pharmacy and pick up the medicine the doctor had prescribed.

Riley wasn't back from his parents yet so I took the opportunity to get up and go pick them up before he returned. I still didn't feel ready to tell him and if I am completely honest I didn't know how to. We weren't exactly in the ideal situation where cute pregnancy announcements would make sense, but it also didn't seem right to just spring it on him either.

I quickly grabbed my wallet and grabbed a bottle of water and headed to the pharmacy. The cashier was a young lady probably only a few years older than I was. She had long silky brunette hair and golden colored eyes with one of the friendliest smiles I have ever seen. Her name tag said Emma.

"I'm here for a prescription." I said as she took my information and gave me a sweet grin before scanning up my medication.

"So the big bottle is for nausea, make sure you eat it with food or it will make the nausea worse. The others are just iron pills and vitamins." She smiled seeming to take in my appearance.

"Thanks." I smiled.

"No problem, hey by the way congratulations." She smiled as I looked at the floor embarrassed.

"Sorry, your medicine is just usually what we give pregnant women" She quickly apologized as I just stared at the patterns on the pharmacy tile."I just think its really cool that you're young and still trying to be responsible and do the right thing. I sell way too many plan B pills." She sighed.

"Thanks, but I... I have to go." I mumbled grabbing the beg off the counter and rushing out of the store.

Once I was home I tucked the little bag in the back of my underwear drawer where no one would see it, then floated downstairs to watch T.V.. I was half way through one of the fast and furious movies when the front door closed and Riley and Averleigh appeared in the living room.

"Hey." I smiled up at them.

"Hey sweetie, feeling better?" Averleigh asked.

"Yeah, thanks for being my stand in mom yesterday." I grinned as Riley looked between us, a smile pulling at the side of his face.

Averleigh looked between us both before awkwardly and unconvincingly remembering she needed to leave urgently. I couldn't help the laugh that escaped as she rushed out of the house in a blatant cover to escape the thick atmosphere between Riley and I.

Riley just shook his head and laughed before sinking into the couch beside me and pulling me into his arms. He kissed the top of my head before resuming the movie.

I could still feel the weight of everything on my shoulders, even as I settled into the warmth of his body, and I needed to say something to break the tension. This wasn't going to be something we could just sweep under the rug, I couldn't spend the next week acting like strangers who touched.

"I read your note." I blurted out as cars began racing on the screen. "I know it seems like I'm avoiding you, but I just.. I need to figure out how I can be without you." I muttered as he paused the movie and adjusted himself so he could see my face.

"Okay, well I guess I understand that." He said stroking my hair "but that doesn't explain you not telling me why you were at the doctor."

I took a deep breath, I still wasn't ready to tell him. I needed too but I just couldn't.

"Riley I promise I'll tell you when I'm ready. It's not something I can ignore, but it's not life or death either." I explained, "I just can't put that on you when you're getting ready to chase your dreams."

"Britt I told you I wouldn't go, if it's something important, especially if it's your health I'll stay." He looked worried.

"You have to go Riles. This is all you ever wanted." I smiled softly, cupping his cheek with my hand and fighting back the tears building in my eyes. "It's all you've ever talked about since we were kids. I don't want you to stay and then hate me later."

"Britt!" He sighed pulling me to his chest. "I could never hate you, and I'm just saying that I could stay, we could do what we planned with online school." He began rambling.

"No!" I shook my head as a stray tear slipped down my cheek. Tenderly he brushed it away. "You worked hard to earn that scholarship, you deserve to go."

I could feel the fight draining from him with each word. I was killing myself slowly to push him to go when all I wanted to do was beg him to stay.

But I knew this was the right thing to do, or at least I hoped it would be. "I promise I am fine and I will be fine, we can still talk and visit each other."

He slipped Into the fantasy with me easily. "And then," he started playing with my fingers as he spoke softly "When I'm all successful and making big money I'll come back for you, make you my wife and have all the babies you want."

I winced at the last part, thankful he could no longer see my face as I buried it in his chest.

"I love you Riles, but I won't hold you back. We can try long distance and see what happens." I explained.

"Fine." He sighed. "But I will marry you one day Britt. There is no one who could ever replace you in my life."

I didn't respond but turned my face to look up at him before lifting my head to kiss him chastely.

"I'm going to go lay down, I didn't sleep much last night and I'm exhausted." I gave a sheepish grin before heading up the stairs to the bedroom.

I quickly took out one of the pills for nausea, the iron pill and the vitamin and gulped them down with a glass of water before hiding the bottles in my drawer and scarfing down a granola bar.

I felt like we had talked better today than we ever had. We didn't just brush the hard stuff off, we actually explained our feelings and I was feeling a lot better about telling him the explosion of news before he left.

All that was left now was finding the best way to do it, and then figure out where, when, and most importantly ...how.

As I sat on the bed an idea hit me, it wasn't perfect and it wasn't the most ideal way, but it seemed like the best way for the situation we were in.

All that was left to do now was to wait the remaining days until the right time came. I wrapped up in the blankets, letting my heavy eyes close until all of my problems drifted into nothing.

I knew the moment the bed dipped that he had joined me. I was wrapped inside his warm, comforting arms just breathing in his scent. I shifted my body so that I was facing him, my forehead against his chest as I held onto his shirt.

Neither of us spoke, just held each other until all the emotion I had been trying to hide crested over and I quietly cried into his chest.

I was doing the right thing wasn't I? It definitely didn't feel like it.

It felt like I was slowly and painfully saying goodbye to the only person that ever made me feel truly safe, truly happy.

Six more days.

That's all we had. Six more days and he would be gone. I would be here, pregnant and alone.

I nuzzled into him a little more, my mind was made up. It was going to hurt and it was going to be a bad kind of hurt, but it was something I needed to do, for both of us.

I drifted back to sleep as he rubbed circles on my back. His woodsy scent calming all the doubts in my head as I clung to him like it was the last time.

It was time, and only time would tell how it would all play out, but for now I would stay in the blanket of his arms, committing it to memory for the battle ahead of me.

My only hope was that one day he would forgive me for what I was going to do, that he would understand that it was necessary for him to have his dreams.

The timer for the end had begun and the thought on its own terrified me.