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28. A Murder in Disguise

El_Pa_Ca1601

Reviewer- Everythingbibulous

Cover and title:

I like your cover it reminds me of an older horror movie poster. It's something that would draw my attention in quickly and I don't have any complaints about it. Same with your title it's good and I have no complaints though I would recommend on capitalizing all of the words in your title so it looks more professional.

Description:

I personally really enjoyed your description and it was one of the best that I've seen on this app. It gave me a good sense of your story without telling me too much and it definitely intrigued my interest.

Grammar and punctuation:

Your grammar and punctuation are once again some of the best that I've seen on the app. I was honestly really shocked at how good it was and I felt as if I was reading a published author's work. So, bravo on it I honestly didn't see any mistakes that were made more than once so great job!

Plot:

I don't usually read much story's that's in the horror/thriller type of genre but I found myself enjoying your plot. It was stable in the chapters that I read and I was thoroughly impressed with your plot. For your future chapters, all I have to recommend is staying on track with your plot and not straying away from it too often.

Writing the murder scenes:

I may not read much of the genre but I do have a good amount of drafts about it so I was super excited when I saw that you wanted some advice on murder scenes, etc. Let's start with understanding the concept of death. In TV shows, it may seem fairly easy for the prey to kill their victim but in reality, it's a much harder task.
For example, a gunshot to the head is fast and usually effective but stabbing is a lot bloodier and makes the job much harder due to wanting to make sure that your stab was deep and hit the correct artery. So when you have the killer stab someone make it bloody and make sure you don't just say that they were stabbed in the stomach or leg because sometimes a simple stab won't kill a person if done wrong.
Poisons are slow and won't be a quick death like it's usually shown in movies so make sure to remember that if you ever want to take that approach in the murders.
Strangling is hard because the one you must have an incredible amount of strength to suffocate a person and second they'll be fighting back by scratching and kicking.
And if your killer likes to use an ax remember that most people won't just stand still when they're getting axed which is something I see quite often in horror movies and novels.
The next thing to know is to understand crime scene access. Your characters won't just be able to go and access the crime scene when one of their friends is murdered. The crime scene is tightly secured so they won't be able to sneak their way in either most of the time they just won't be able to access the scene unless your character is a cop, etc.
The third major mistake I always see is people not getting their terminology correct when they're writing their story. For example, a pistol and revolver are not the same thing and shouldn't be written as such.
Fourth, is that crime-lab results aren't quick and DNA evidence could take months and before you ask no your friend that works at the lab can't make the process faster for you.
Fifth, use the sense of smell in your story when describing the crime scenes and murders. Most people underestimate how strong the smell of death and blood really is.
Sixth, this is more of a suggestion but if you make your characters compelling it will make their deaths affect your readers so much more. Another suggestion about your characters is making the other characters react to the deaths. I always see in movies that the characters usually forget all about their best friend who was just killed instead of doing that have the characters mourn the deaths have them truly be affected by the deaths. It'll make your story have a much better impact.

Overall thoughts:

I really enjoyed the chapters that I read of your story and I can tell that you're a very talented author who could have a bright future in the writing world. If you have any other questions please let me know but, in the meantime, I wish you and your story the best of luck <3