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17. Tales of Common People

Weasly20

Reviewer- ElysiumKingdom

Title cover:

The cover was pleasing. The shades of blue were calming and pretty, and the font was visible and the two went well together. I liked it. The title represents your book quite well, as well as explaining what the actual book is about: stories from the eyes of average people. It's catchy too, which certainly helps.

Blurb:

It was cute and explained the way the book worked in a smooth and easy manner. There wasn't much to go on, but the extended synopsis gave more insight to what the stories would actually be about whilst the blurb catered more to how it would work. I'm a sucker for quotes so loved that you added Dumbledore's wisdom in there!

...

I found the concept of the book interesting and unique. It's not the sort of thing I've really come across and I felt it was creative and relatable in the story you portrayed. I did initially expect each chapter to be its own short story, but I wasn't disappointed to find that wasn't the case. The way the tale spread out over a variety of chapters allowed for depth and layers to be added throughout.

I think most people have experienced at least one nosey and invasive family member, and whilst most not to the extent that poor Nidhi has to suffer, it's understandable to the point of empathy. The second tale isn't up yet, but the quick run-down given of it is also relatable. Too many times I've heard the words 'you can't because you're a girl,' and I know I'm not the only one. I am curious as to how that one will unravel.

The story was written in a simple manner. It was easily readable, and there was no drag to the flow, which created an enjoyable atmosphere. However, for as enjoyable as it was, there were quite a few errors spotted throughout. There are instances where words are missing, or the wrong word was used. The order of your wording was not always correct, either-- some sentences sounded clunky or had to be read more than once to be able to make sense of as the structure was mixed up.

There is a sense of mystery to the tale, an engaging draw-in that has the reader wanting to know more. What the aunt did to warrant such a reaction from the siblings is high on the mind in the first few chapters, and I found myself theorizing early on. It builds the atmosphere, and the aunt's personality really shines through; she seems so realistic in some aspects.

You describe the aunt's appearance well, along with the untidiness of her room, and there are some other really good descriptions dotted throughout when it comes to visualizing your characters. They're not always consistent, but there's enough there to get a basis of actions and character appearances.

But descriptions are not always limited to character and actions. Scenery plays a big part, and there was a lack of background descriptions. There were some scenes that led to confusion because there was so little to go off in terms of environment. There were also some scenes that needed a little bit of elaboration.

For example, one of the flashbacks showed Nidhi running up the stairs towards her room and her aunt chasing her.

Which okay, one could argue that whilst adding a bit more involvement, maybe to the decor or the layout might have been more engaging, going up the stairs is, in a way, pretty self-explanatory and not really needed, especially as the details are mainly focused around her emotional turmoil at the time.

But when the aunt stops her before she reaches her room, it states that a crowd begins to gather. The way it's worded implies it's a crowd of ten to twenty people. The bit that is unclear here is who are all those people and how they all came to crowd her on the stairs landing? There's no familiarity towards any of them or recognition, which considering that she is emotional at that moment could be why, but I found it to be quite odd.

There was a mention of her anklet possibly waking people up, but it's not confirmed if those sleeping people are the crowd. But as it states 'her room' it implies that it's at her house, and with it only being her brother and parents living there, I was lost. The flashback also ends by stating she didn't care about the growing crowd, which implies that there's still more people gathering.

In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really impact the book, but it wasn't the only occasion that caused uncertainty in what was happening or why. Tweaking it slightly to clarify the smaller or side details could be beneficial in those instances.

One thing I admired was Rajat's loyalty to his sister. It was touching and sweet, whilst still maintaining the irritable brother symptoms.

One thing I would advise to be careful of whilst writing multiple people in a scene is head jumping, as that does occur now and again.

In terms of grammar and punctuation, you had the basics down, helping create a neatness to your work, but there were one or two places that could be looked into.

Overused commas are something I noticed. Some sentences do not flow correctly because commas are incorrectly placed, fracturing parts that should be joined together. They do not occur overwhelmingly and can be overlooked.

Numbers, with some exceptions, should be written out, especially if under ten. I feel you do understand this as a lot of them are written, but there are times that you switch to using numerical.

In dialogue punctuation, be careful of capitalizing the pronouns of the following dialogue tag.

If the spoken dialogue is followed by an action, a period should be used, and then a capital letter should follow as it is a sentence complete. But if a dialogue tag follows the narrative, then a comma should be the closing punctuation inside the speech marks and a lowercase letter, with the exception of names, should be applied.

Every now and again there are unnecessary spaces between punctuation and the words. Speech marks sometimes have spaces between the words they're closing in, and in one or two places the same with commas. It's not something that appears regularly.

Overall, it's pretty great. It's high with emotions, and stimulating enough that as a reader I wanted to read more. The portrayal of the family unit and their bonds with each other was beautifully done. It really catches the essence of their love for one another, as well as their dysfunctional relationship with their aunt. It was well written and offers a break from the usual clichés. Great job!

Any questions, feel free to ask.