Actually I'm Insecure

Problems

Despite being the therapist friend I really bad with sadness, mine and anyone elses. Bring me a problem and I'll give advice or my opinions but if anyone cries around me I freeze, I clam up and don't know what to do. My whole life I've been taught not to cry or let others know that I'm sad but now someone right in front of me is breaking all of the rules that I've set for myself. Don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with people crying, if anything I think its good that they're doing so but it just confuses my brain. When I cry I just want to be left alone to recover and put my broken pieces back together away from others so they don't see how vulnerable and sensitive I really am. I hate crying, I rarely let others see me cry and will do anything to avoid it if I'm not by myself. Anytime that I have cried in front of people I get so embarrassed because I feel so weak and stupid. Again, I don't think that when others cry that they're weak I just get so confused about what I should do, I don't know if they want to be left alone, if they want to talk about it, if they want a hug, or anything else. I don't know. 

My family is so broken with how we solve conflicts. My mom cries or yells, my dad yells back. My sister and I don't fight much  but when we have we've tended to just push it aside and never really talk about it because we don't want to scream and yell like our parents. We also never really ask each other how we're doing or if each other is doing ok which isn't good considering we don't see one another as much anymore. Despite this we're trying to do better, to be better, to not let each other follow in our parents footsteps. We try to actually talk out why we're mad and we're going to be more aware of each other's feelings. We will not let our parent's examples ruin our relationship. After all my sister is the only one I know truly loves me because she's the only one that I don't alter myself around.