Actually I'm Insecure

Chubby

!!TW!!! Not eating and talk of bodies and suggested vomit!!

My sister, neighboors, and majority of friends are average weight or even considered quite skinny. I never cared much until my friends who are objectively and literally smaller than me and weigh less than me started calling themselves fat or thinking that they were overweight. And I know what they're saying aren't meant to make me feel bad or hurt me but when I comment about how they are smaller than me I always get the comment of "Oh no you're so SKINNY!" I really hate this response because I know I'm not and it almost hurts more than if they would've said something else.

The friend group I was with never ate lunch. They were all so skinny but didn't eat because they thought they were massive and needed to lose weight. I began to skip lunch with them. I already didn't eat breakfast because eating before 8am makes me feel sick but then I cut lunch out of the equation as well. I barely ate supper and would drink water as my main "food". Even though I barely ate once a day and worked out quite hard everyday I didn't lose any weight, or at least any visable weight. I felt more and more awful everyday because of my appearence and how it never changed despite how much I did to lose a few pounds.

One day I was running on my school's track, I hadn't eaten anything and had only ingested water, while I was running I started getting really dizzy and nauseous. This feeling was so strong that I physically had to stop and slap my hand over my mouth to stop the bile that rose into the back of my throat. The sad thing is that is moment didn't make me stop, it was months later when I ended up changing friend groups that I started to recover.

Never. EVER. and I mean ever, do this to yourself.