I wish I could care less. I wish I could let other people's apthy towards me roll off of my back and just find others that actually enjoy my company but I just can't. I honestly couldn't give a single good reason why I can't.
I have some serious abandonment issues and can't handle the feeling of others not needing me or leaving me. It makes me violently ill which is how I'm feeling currently. Knowing that everyone I hold close to my heart and dearly can get on so well without me geniunely hurts my hearts so much so that I can feel the physical pain in my chest.
The person who I considered my best friend and told me that I was her forever best friend is slowly drifting from me and hanging out with other people purposefully leaving me out. It seriously hurts. I can get over jealously and crushes but I geniunely thought that we related on a deep level. I told her things that no one else knows, we used to hang out all the time, we talk a lot too, but now it all feels sour and it hurts so much I feel sick.
I don't know what to honestly. I think I'll just watch from the outside wondering what rendered me obsolete, what took my place, what made me undesirable?
I guess I'll never know, I guess all I'll know is that I'm not good enough anymore.
YOU ARE READING
Actually I'm Insecure
Non-FictionThe thoughts, feelings, and life experience of a chubby, not conventionally attractive, teenage girl that is probably needs therapy. Some of these get a little dark and deep but before I start I'll put a trigger warning. This is just for me to ramb...
