He Feels Like Home

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"Marshall!!" My little mini-me yelled as we entered the kitchen to my New York City penthouse. She ran to him from across the room and he picked her up and spun her around.

"I saw you and mommy on the TV!" She told him.

"Yeah? Didn't mommy look pretty?" Marshall spoke softly to my little girl. He leaned her over to me while still in his arms so she could give me a kiss and hug.

Neveah shook her head vigorously. "And I like to listen to you talk to the music."

"It's called rapping baby. I rap to the music."

"Mommy should do that too." Nevaeh said.

"Nah, your mommy has a beautiful singing voice." Marshall set her back on the ground.

"I wanna show you my Barbies. C'mon!"

"Race ya there!" Marshall yelled and the two raced downstairs to her playroom.

I wheeled my luggage to my bedroom and sat on the bed for a moment. It felt good to be home. I was confused about what was to happen next. Marshall lives in Detroit and I didn't want to leave New York. As strong as our feelings for each other seem to be, we both lead vastly different lives. I walked back out to the kitchen to my sister making a late breakfast and she turned to face me as I entered.

"He's good with her." She whispered.

"I know." I answered. "He has 3 daughters, so he's used to little girl things."

I walked over and poured myself a cup of coffee.

"Listen, you can have off today and tomorrow. Then it's crunch time as I finish the album. I'll need you to take care of Nevaeh each day, but I'll takeover in the evenings."

Kyra had some breakfast, then got herself ready to hang-out with friends for the day and do whatever 24-year-olds do. I crept down the stairs slowly and quietly as to not disturb Marshall and Nevaeh. He was rapping the theme from Dora the Explorer to her and she was bopping her head as I watched from around the corner. I smiled so big as I entered the room with them.

"Hey guys, Auntie Kyra was nice enough to make us some breakfast. Come on up!"

The two eagerly got up from the floor and began following me up the stairs. The three of us sat together at the table and Marshall was making funny faces causing Nevaeh to have a giggle fit.

"Thanks baby." Marshall smiled at me as I filled his plate up with eggs.

"Marshall, are you Mommy's boyfriend?"

"Well, um?" He looked to me for guidance to answer her question.

"Yes, baby. He is." I told her.

"Good." She smiled.

It was a relief that they got along so well. This was the first time Nevaeh has seen me with a man, but I knew I handled it the right way. She really seemed to take a shine to Marshall, and I love to watch them together. He would not make this much of an effort to talk to her and play with her if he were not serious about our relationship.

We spent the afternoon playing Hungry Hungry Hippos and playing with playdough. When evening came, I gave Nevaeh her bath and when we were done, she ran out to the living room to Marshall in her jammies.

"Marshall are you gonna sleep here tonight?"

"Do you want me to?"

She nodded her head eagerly.

"Then I guess I am. Is that ok Mommy?" Marshall asked me.

"Sure, that's fine."

We popped popcorn as we watched 5 episodes of Dora. My daughter is a Dora the Explorer fanatic! Nevaeh was so happy and giggly. She is only three years old, but I know she realizes that she does not have a daddy. It must have felt nice and secure to have a man here with us to make jokes and show her attention. When it is just her and I, it often feels like there is something missing and it gets lonely sometimes. Marshall and I eventually tucked her in together and then returned to the couch.

"When are we going to see each other again?" I asked.

"I have a bunch of tour dates coming up. I'm performing at Lollapalooza and Bonnaroo this year. And then at the end of the summer I'm going..." he hesitated, "over to Europe for a few weeks."

I sighed as I leaned into him, "I'm not even touring this summer; I have to finish this album. I guess neither of us were planning to get into a relationship and had our schedules planned out already."

"We'll figure it out babe. In a couple of months here, we'll be able to plan to build our lives together." He kissed me.

"Yeah." I agreed meekly.

"Ya know I wasn't gonna stay tonight, I gotta get back home to Detroit, but I couldn't say "no" to her. She's such a little sweetheart."

"Aw, thank you honey. She likes you a lot. I hope that doesn't weird you out at all. Like, we're moving too fast."

"Nah, not at all. I want her to like me and feel comfortable around me."

"Nevaeh's never seen me with a man before."

"Ray, does Nevaeh know who her father is?" Marshall asked me gently.

"No. We separated when she was only a year old and even before that...they never had a bond. Antonio was at no time excited about the baby."

"Then why the fuck is he asking for custody of her?"

"I've been thinking about that too. I assume it's to get back at me, to take the one thing that I love the most in this world from me. Because he doesn't want her! He could never take care of her the way I do. He could never remember to turn on her night light and cut the crust off her grilled cheese sandwiches. He would never add an extra blanket on her in the middle of the night or make sure she remembered to brush her teeth!"

"You're a great mom baby. Don't ever doubt that." Marshall said as he kissed my temple.

"My mothering game is airtight." I told him. "It's the one thing in life that I know I do well."

I was lucky enough to cuddle with my boyfriend one more night before he left for Detroit. It felt so good to fall asleep with his arms around me with Nevaeh asleep right across the hall. It felt normal, we felt like a real family. Marshall and I whispered "I love you" to each other in the darkness and fell asleep. This is how it's supposed to be!

I was surprised to wake up to Marshall and Nevaeh cooking breakfast for us before he left. I could hear her giggling as I walked to the kitchen and he had her seated up on the island helping her to crack the eggs. It was the sweetest thing I had ever seen! A flood of emotions came over me. I went up to them to envelope them in a hug and kissed them both on the cheek.

Following breakfast, the inevitable moment came when Marshall told us he had to be on his way. He gave Nevaeh a big hug and told her she could have Mommy call him so she could talk to him whenever she wants. My turn was next, and I could not help but cry a bit.

"Why are we always saying goodbye?" I whispered in Marshall's ear as he held me tight.

"It's not gonna be like this forever babe. We'll figure it out."

He placed a long lingering kiss upon my lips, told me he loved me, and just like that...Marshall was gone again.


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