Damage Control

Chapter 54

"Are you happy now?" I managed to choke out, immediately regretting my decision to ask as soon as the question slipped off my tongue.

Silence captivated the room once again, and my stomach knotted in anticipation as I waited for his answer, hoping it would be one I wanted to hear. His heartbeat remained at a steady pace, so when he finally answered, I knew he meant it.

"No."

A feeling of dread crept up from the pit of my stomach, and I was suddenly grateful he wasn't able to see my flushed face. I laid there frozen, feeling tears of anger welling up inside as I took in his one-worded answer, wondering how he answered so easily as if he didn't have to think twice about it. My throat was stuck again, preventing me from speaking, but even if I were able to form words, I would've still been speechless.

"Now ask your real question," Nathaniel demanded, already reading in between the lines of what I asked.

"It doesn't matter; tell me more about your mom," I muttered, hoping he would drop the subject and forget I ever opened my fat mouth, but that would've been too good to be true.

"Ask Anastazi."

"Nathaniel—"

"Ask."

"Are you happy with me?" I finally blurted, feeling heat creep up to my cheeks.

"Yes."

He answered without hesitation, causing a small smile to appear on my lips as I peered up at him to find him gazing down at me longingly.

"You are my happiness," Nathaniel breathed, lifting my chin with his finger before locking lips with mine. I instantly melted into his touch, knotting my fingers in his wild locs as our mouths moved in sync, savoring each other's taste. The deafening sound of my pounding heart filled my ears until Nathaniel's low groan quickly took its place, sending a shiver a pleasure shooting down my spine.

Part of me longed to tell him how I truly felt, to unleash those three little words, and finally let go, but another part of me selfishly wanted to keep it to myself, afraid of how he might react. Would he say it back or push me further away because he wasn't ready for that step? I got so lost in my thoughts I didn't realize we stopped kissing until I felt his warm lips at the base of my throat, sucking my fevered skin gently.

"What were you thinking about?" Nathaniel murmured, peppering wet kisses up my neck, leading to my jaw, cheek, and forehead.

"You," I answered truthfully. "It's refreshing seeing you like this."

"Like what?"

"Alive."

"Mm, I have you to thank for that," he mumbled as his eyes flickered down to my lips.

"And your mom," I reminded him before he could claim my mouth as his own. "Tell me more about her."

Nathaniel nodded with a slight smile on his face and flipped over, so he was lying on his back again with his hands tucked under his head. His eyes fluttered shut the second I laid my head on his chest and began tracing the outlines of his dark tattoos with my finger.

"She was the light of everyone's life," he began. "Always joking around and never taking anything seriously; it was impossible to feel sad around her, and she made sure of that. But, she was also very stubborn, never taking shit from anyone who tried to use her compassion to their advantage."

"You're a lot like her in that way," he murmured, turning on his side to face me.

"What, stubborn?" I scoffed. "I'm not stubborn."

Nathaniel's eyebrows raised in amusement as he swiped away the strands of hair sticking to my forehead. "You're the most stubborn woman I've ever met amore mio."

"Well then me and Isabella would've been great friends."

He nodded in agreement and clenched his jaw as he fixed his gaze above my head to the wide sliding doors outlooking the city.

"She taught me everything I know. How to read, write, ride a bike, paint—"

"Wait, you paint too?" I asked in disbelief, my eyes wide with shock.

Nathaniel's entire body tensed, and he quickly snapped his mouth shut as if I caught him saying something he didn't mean to blurt out, but it was too late to take it back.

He cleared his throat and continued staring in the direction of the door, refusing to make eye contact. "I used to."

"You have to show me some of your work one day," I whispered, my voice filled with hope.

But of course, he dismissed that thought without batting an eye. "No."

"Why?"

He shrugged. "They're not good."

I rolled my eyes in annoyance. "Let me be the judge of that."

"No."

"Please?" I pouted, giving him my best puppy dog eyes even though I felt like a complete idiot. "For me?"

Nathaniel sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose before locking eyes with mine in defeat.

"One day."

I nodded eagerly with a small smile on my face as I waited patiently for him to continue his thought before I rudely interrupted.

"Her dream was to open up a small art museum that would showcase our work, but..." He trailed off, leaving me to finish his sentence on my own.

She passed away before it could happen, and that dream died with her.

I could see the agonizing pain in his eyes as he laid there deep in thought, and I wished for nothing more than to be able to take all of that misery away, but I knew it was impossible.

The pain he's been enduring for the last eight years is pain that has embedded itself deep within his core with no way out. All I could do was be there for him and hope that alone would be enough.

"You don't have to walk alone in the dark anymore Nathaniel, I'll walk with you until we reach the light together," I whispered softly, feeling tears trickle down my face as I pressed our foreheads together.

"You've given me more than I deserve, amore mio," he murmured, brushing my tears away with his fingers. "And for that, I am forever indebted to you."

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