The Hardest Part Of Living

The Hardest Part Of Living- Chapter 18

"I can't" Two words, two words chose my path through life. I wasn't sure those two words were the best choice of words to say but I had to say them, it was the right thing to do. I knew it.

Alex sat on the floor still, staring at me hurt. He didn't understand, Gerard and Frank were my family now. I had to go with them, I liked Alex but...Family comes first. I was finally understanding, finally allowing Gerard and Frank into my heart, letting them become my true family. I was moving on, I was growing up.

"You can't just leave me" He croaked out, "Not here, not all by myself, not again" Tears rolled down his face and I took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry Alex, I'm going with my family. End of discussion" I straightened up, walking to the window slowly and opening it. "You need to go now"

"No"

"Alex-"

"I'm not leaving" he sniffed, "Now, close the window and sit down" he was trying to order me around, it was happening though.

"Alex, get out willingly or I kick your ass out" I frowned and he stood up, walking towards me slowly. "Good boy" I sighed stepping away from the window, which made him change his direction and keep walking towards me. "Alex" I warned him.

"I'm not leaving without you, Vicky" He whispered standing in front of me and holding my wrists so I could hit him, I could easily knee him in the balls though. Did he not think of that? I wouldn't though, unless he was threatening me and scaring me.

"Get out before I hurt you" I whispered and he leaned down, our faces inches apart. "Alex"

"You like me, why are you leaving me?"

"Because I don't believe you" I whispered, "Maybe you don't know what you're doing sometimes, but I think you stalked her, I think you hurt her" I looked him in the eyes and he smiled at me sadly. "You did, didn't you" I whispered.

"You know I hit her"

"I think you did more than that" The grip on my wrists tightened and I tried to keep calm, I didn't want him knowing I was scared, I had to show I was confident, I had to scare him away not the other way round.

"I think you should shut up, I think you should pack and I think you should come with me" He smiled and pecked my lips as I frowned.

"I think I should leave you to Gerard and Frank so they can kick your ass there selves, they'd love to" I smiled a little and he shoved me against the wall, closing the gap between our bodies. I tried to lift my leg up to knee him but there wasn't any room there. I was stuck.

"I think you should be good" He frowned a little and I managed not to gulp. I looked into his eyes and smiled. "You don't get it" He sighed, "I tried to be nice but you just want to get rid of me like everyone else does"

"I'm not getting rid of you, I'm leaving. I have to go with my family, it's the only family I have left now Alex. You're being selfish"

"I'm being selfish because I keep loosing people? Well I'm sorry" He frowned a little and I sighed, "You must know what it's like, loosing people" He whispered. It was true, I lost my real family, murder. It tore me apart, it ruined my life and it hurt so much. After some years, the pain slowly started numbing, I found it easier and easier to live each day.

"You have to move on Alex, it's the only way to heal" I whispered. "You lost one girl because she was scared of you, you hurt her. You need to change, you need to become a better person and then you'll hurt less. You know you've done wrong, that's why it hurts so much" I whispered and he let go of me slowly. "Go home Alex, go home and just...Think. Think about everything that's happened and then think of the ways you can make it better, think of the ways you can make yourself a better person" I smiled a little and he nodded, kissing me one last time. It was quick, warm and sad.

"I'll see you again, one day" He shrugged and then walked towards the window, climbing out of it slowly. I sighed and grabbed a suitcase, packing it slowly. It saves me doing it in the morning.

Well, at least one thing was sorted. Alex. Being truthful, he did scare me. He needed my help though, I gave him my advice and that's all I could do. I just hope he listened well and is going to do something with it.

What about me? Well, I guess I'm going to move on with my new family. I have no idea where though, I guess I have to get used to surprises since Gerard and Frank keep throwing them at me.