"New to this" (Carson X Connor gay fanfic♥️)

Part 16: See you tomorrow

We slept hugged on the floor. I took a blanket from the bed and put it on our naked bodies. Connor fell asleep in my arms, with his head on my chest and I closed my eyes some minutes later.

The next morning I woke up very early. I adjusted the blanket over Connor's body. I made sure he didn't wake up. I kissed him on the cheek and then I got dressed.
Since I had no clothes with me, I took something from Connor's closet.

I went out on the balcony of his room and admired the view. I sat down, despite the tiles being still very cold and humid, and lit up a cigarette. I was terrified someone could see me, so I paid attention no-one could see me. I didn't know what to think about. I had mixed feelings about my life. Was I in love? Or was it just sex? Did Connor really love me? Or was he just pretending? How long could we go on like this, hiding our relationship to the world? What if his parents found out about me, about their own son? Those weren't my only problems. What about school? Could I really manage to graduate? What about my future? Did I have to try out university or focus only on my music? I had begun writing and producing again but was that enough? Could I make it?

It was like my life swinged perpetually between joyful moments and sad ones. As I started realising that maybe nothing would have changed, I cried. I put my face between my arms and cried. Connor probably felt my sobbing sounds, because a minute later I found him next to me. He didn't say anything. He just hugged me. But he was giving me the strength I had lost, he was giving me the courage only a mother could give.
"It's ok, Carson. I will always be here with you" he whispered.

I flung my head in his shoulders, crying even more.

"What is it?" He asked in a caring voice.

"I am not enough. I don't know... I feel so insecure about everything..."

He kept me in the embrace and caressed my back.

"It's alright, Carson. You are just feeling low." He brought me inside and we both sat on the bed.

"What is it? Why are you insecure?" Connor asked me.

"I don't know. I think I am not enough. I am not enough for you. I am not enough for my friends. I am not enough for my parents. I think I have disappointed everyone!"

"Why do you say that? In life there are ups and downs. There can't be always good news. Why do you say you are not enough for me?"

"I don't know. That's the point." I replied.

"Well you are more than enough for me. You know, my mother never cared so much about putting a blanket on my body when it was too cold outside. She let a maid do it. But, you, you Carson, you did it 'cause you care about me. You are a good person and you love people around you. You know what? Fuck them if they think you are not enough!"

As he said that he intertwined his fingers with mine.
I hugged him one more time.

"I love you!" He said.
I kissed him back.

"Do you want to take a shower?" Connor asked.

"I don't feel like I want to have something right now..." I said.

"Hey, babe, if you think I am with you just for the sex, you are wrong!"

I smiled at him.

"Come on. Let's take a shower, it will feel better." He added.

We showered together, but we didn't do anything. It was a passionate moment, but nothing more. Maybe he was right. Maybe I was the one obsessed by sex. He loved me anyways.

"Sorry" I mumbled as we were showering.

"For what?"

"I am annoying!"