TommyInnit Angst

Hallucinations

Hey if you guys are enjoying vote or comment! Thanks for all the views and votes! It's much appreciated. Also I realize that this story is a bit extreme but I just rlly like writing heavy angst. Anyways here we go again! Enjoy!

The third time Tommy woke he wasn't lucid anymore

Tommy's POV

I opened my eyes and winced at the light in the room. It was so bright. My head. My head ached so terribly.

I flashed back to getting hit in the head with a bottle, kicked there, and having it slammed against the wall.

You deserved it

I tried to piece together my memories as my eyes adjust. Why was I on the floor? I  began to move only to wince and stumble back over onto the floor.

I tried again only for my hands to slide against the floor while pushing myself up. They were soaked?

In fact my whole body was soaked. Was this sweat? Impossible, I was freezing. I pull a blanket off the bed and wrap myself up. I look across the room and spot Tubbo.

"Hey Big T!" My voice breaks and cracks like it hasn't been used in days.

Tubbo looked at me with disgust. My eyes widen. What did I do wrong this time?

He hates you

"Tommy why couldn't you just be there for me? Why did you have to mess everything up? You always mess everything up." Tubbo scowls at me.

He's always hated you

My heart breaks. Tears fill my eyes. I apologize continuously. Tubbo turns and walks towards the door. I try to follow him. I see black.

The next time I wake up I'm shaking. I don't know why. I mean I was definitely freezing, I was also starving, and shaking with grief after I remember Tubbo leaving me here. He really didn't care.

None of them care

I look down at my stomach and see my final towel isn't doing much for me anymore. The blood has completely soaked through. I stumble to the bathroom and notice how pale I look. There's still dried blood on my face. I examine my head wound. I don't even know how to treat it.

Idiot

My head aches. I shake it fiercely and shut my eyes. I wake up on the ground. If I had ever paid attention to my health classes I would've known not to shake a head injury. I also would've known not to wash it.

I hoist myself off the floor causing some of my old wounds to tear open. I release a strangled sob. I stare at my appearance.... I look horrible.

Ugly, fat, disgusting

My blood was still dried in streaks down my face, I was practically covered in it. My hair was greasy and grimy and my blue eyes had long since lost their shine. They looked grey, dull. I decided I should wash out my head injury. So I did. Very painfully. Afterward I still has streaks of blood on my face and in much of my hair but I tried to aim for the wound. I looked at it closer in the mirror.

It had already started bleeding again. Even more intensely than before. My eyes welled with tears and I threw the blood soaked toilet paper hard into the sink knowing I had gone through that pain for nothing.

All this excessive pain was for nothing.

Just end it

I had begun to think more and more lately.... about death. What came after, if anything? Would it be peaceful? Or would it be worse than the pain he was going through right now? He didn't know how that could be possible but the thought still plagued him in every lucid moment and more often in non lucid ones. Which seemed to be occurring a lot recently. I mean before he was clinging to the idea that his death would pain his friends but now... now he didn't know what to think.