Path Of Shadows: The Awakening

Chapter 11

I lay in bed and try to sleep but all I end up doing is crying. Quietly but crying none the less. I hear a knock on my door a few minutes later then see my door open.

"Hey. You okay?" Tate asks.

"I'm fine." I say as clearly as I can so Tate doesn't suspect anything. I face the wall away from my door.

"I know you've been crying. I can hear you. Besides I'm still connected to you and your thoughts are louder than mine. So many at once that I can't even make out what they are. It's all muffled and jumbled. What's going on?" Tate asks as he sits on my bed.

The light from the bathroom shines on my face. I cover my face with my arms but Tate moves my arms.

"Who hurt you? I'll kill them." Tate says angrily as he notices the bruises, scrapes on my face and cut on my lip.

"Can you kill me?" I ask.

"Why would I kill you?" Tate asks confused.

"I kind of did this to myself." I say as I choke back tears.

"What?" Tate asks.

"I was speeding, driving fast.. just cause, I don't know why. Miles stepped out in front of me, I lost control and ended up sideways in a ditch." I say with a sigh.

"Why would you do that?" Tate asks concerned.

"I just wanted to feel something, anything than what I was feeling. The hits just keep coming and I can't catch a fucking break." I say as I wipe tears off my face.

"I know you don't like to talk but you need to talk to me or Jàime at least, if you won't go talk to anyone else." Tate says.

"I don't want to burden you and Jàime so I just keep it all to myself. That's why I don't talk. I'm fucked up, Tate. I'm broken and I can't fix it or myself." I say as more tears fall down my face.

"You're not fucked up. You just were dealt a fucked up hand. Like you said, you never catch a break. That's enough to break anyone. I also think you maybe have a little PTSD so that doesn't help." Tate says.

"PTSD? Like what soldiers get? I didn't think that was even a thing for people who don't serve." I say.

"You can have PTSD from many things, not just wars. Traumatic events can cause it." Tate says.

"I don't know. What I do know is Miles stopped me then he brought me home. If he wasn't there, I don't know what would have happened." I say.

"I'm glad he was there for you, but what were you even doing in that part of town?" Tate asks.

"I'll get to that." I say.

"Hey, if you kill yourself do you think that the pain doesn't stop, it just passes it to someone else? Do you think that is true? That wasn't what I was trying to do but that is what Miles thought and that's what he said to me." I say to Tate.

"I mean I had a bad relationship with Harvey but when we thought he killed himself, even though I was angry at him, it did hurt. I felt alone, lost, hopeless, so many things. He was all I had and even though he was, is, a piece of shit he said what he knew about my dad killing my mom and making it seem like a suicide and then Harvey was gone. So, all the pain left behind from it, was passed to me. So yeah, I do believe that. I believe that in a sense, the events that unfolded, him being gone, passed pain onto me." Tate says.

"Ya know, there was one point in my life that I thought about doing what he did. Just going away from everyone so no one could save me and.. ya know." Tate says.

"Really?" I ask him.

"Yeah. But I realized I had more reasons to live than I did to die." Tate says. "So yeah. I do believe that." Tate says.