Quarantine swipe

Weak

I spent all afternoon cooking. I made a homemade cauliflower pizza, pasta and chicken.
It was a good way of easing my mind.
Night was coming and didn't heard anything about Emerson. Haven't even heard him come to his house either.

I started to get worried, I went to knock again at his door.

Nothing.

It was 8 a clock, my stomach was growling and there was no sign of Emerson.

He isn't coming I thought

Where could he be?

I opened a bottle of wine and started eating alone the delicious meal I prepared.

I was half way eating when I heard the elevator door opening and some steps outside.

He's going to see my note and come right over, I thought

But no, I kept hearing weird noises in the hall but I didn't hear his door opening.

I went to spy through the peep hole and I saw Emerson stumbling trying to find his key.

Was he drunk?

When I opened the door of my apartment the immediate smell of booze filled my nose.

He turned to look at me
"Andrea!!!" He yelled with excitement. I approached him and helped him to find his keys on his pockets
"Be careful, you might grab another thing" he said laughing

Ha ha Emerson

He was so wasted.

I couldn't find his keys, so I just guided him into my apartment.

I helped him sat on the couch, he couldn't even walk straight, I pushed him slightly for him to sit on the couch but then he grabbed me and we fell together to the couch. And I landed on top of him.

Our eyes locked and I felt something weird at the contact.
"Andrea" he whispered into my mouth.

Why was he calling me Andrea, he has never called me that.

"You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen" he said.
He put his strong arms around me with a tight hold.

And then he pressed his lips against mine.
I felt numb. Without breath. His lips were so firm.
I wanted him so bad.
A little moan escaped my mouth. And then I gave him a slight kiss on his lips.

He's drunk Andrea!
You can't do this

I pulled apart and stood up quickly. Trying to get my shit together.
He stayed there shocked lying in the couch. He looked at me again with his intensive  gaze. 
"You don't want me I know that" he said, his voice sounded like he was about to cry.

I do want you

"You always leave me" he said then added "You don't trust me"

I don't trust myself around you, I thought

But I didn't say anything about my feelings.

I just stood quiet.

"Emerson, you're so drunk" I said.
I approached him and put my hand on his cheek.
"Go to sleep" I said sweetly caressing his face, he closed his eyes with comfort at the touch.

I went to the kitchen to bring him
Some water and some ibuprofen, but when I came back he was snoring, profoundly asleep.
I left them at the coffee table, turned off the lights and went to sleep.

At my bed I was turning sideways, thinking and processing what just happened.
How did I was so foolish? Why did I kiss him when he was practically unconscious.

That was the problem with him, that he made me feel and do things, crazy things, I couldn't think straight around him, when he looks at me with his big blue eyes my world just stops and all I could think it's him, and I just want to drop to my knees and be his forever. He lightens a fire in my soul, he gives me strength but at the same time he weakens me.
And that scared me a lot. Because I've never in my entire life felt like this for anyone.

I kept thinking how his lips felt when they touched mine. How my whole body trembled, how I felt so powerless.

I kept touching and biting my lip as I thought of him.
And the image of me waking him up and kiss him like crazy was torturing me again. Not letting me sleep.
After hours of turning and thinking about him the sleep finally came in.