Until We're More Than A Nightmare

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN...DIFFERENT HAPPINESS WITH HIM

        I'm sorry for loving you.

                        * * * * * *

SAM

       " I'm sorry for making images inside my head with you. Sorry for creating fake scenarios and making us the characters. I tried to stop these little voices inside me. I tried to forget you, but I can't. I'm sorry for my imagination as it is always you. I'm sorry for loving you. Just...let me do it. Just let me love you even if you can't do it back".

I knew its hard for her to love me because I wasn't her favorite. I knew.

No matter who is that guy in her heart, I will promise that I am always here by her side and willing to take care of her. Even if a man will dump her like trash then I am willing to be a garbage boy. 

              We are currently here sitting on the bench below the tree. As the air keeps blowing her hair keeps brushing her cheeks. I just silently watch her while she keeps eating her popcorn. Even though we are just silent, I enjoyed watching her face.

" Have you tried to date a man before?" maybe it is just because of her beauty mixed with my emotion while I keep looking at her, then I made that question.

She looks at me and stays quiet for a moment and answers me. " N..no, never." and she turns her attention back to her food. I can sense her heart pounding or maybe I am just too assuming.

" Even once?"

She looks at me again for a few moments but this time her face looks something different. Her lips pouted a bit and her eyes tell her that she tried to remember something or maybe someone

" Zhyke?" I cut her deep thought off as she keep staring at me and her eyes slowly released those warm liquid.

"Yes?"

" Are you alright?"

" Ah...um, yeah. I'm fine." She said and quickly diverted her gaze out of my sight.

She probably has someone she wanted to have. Maybe she was hurt. Maybe I don't have any space inside her.

" Um... I hope you won't be angry." She nodded. " Do you remember the afternoon that you are cleaning in the restroom, alone? "

" Ummm" yeah, and Lay was there with me. And...here, we went to the Funfair after that. 

" well yeah. I was been punished that time, Why? "

"Well...that time, I just can't stop worrying about you. I was about to yell and repeatedly tell my dad to fire that teacher. But I am just too stupid enough that I wasn't there for you. Believe me, I'm so worried for you. I did anything for you. But...but I think it wasn't enough."

" Hmm..it's okay, I'm fine. Don't force yourself to do anything just for me."

I was caught off guard and feel pain at the same time. She keeps trying to push me away but I keep myself forcing toward her.

"You are just not you, you are special for me. I'm sorry if I keep forcing myself into you but...I am not forcing you to...love me. Just let me, just let me protect you."

" I...I don't know"

" Don't confuse yourself. You don't have to do anything, just let me." She nodded and smile sadly.

" And also on the prom night, I was about to ask you to be my partner but that stupid Paul already did."

" I'm sorry"