The Middle Child

Chapter 21

Sasha

“And if it’s God that I’m after, I just can’t serve two masters, and before something happens, I gotta turn it all around because I know I can’t just have my cake and eat it too, cause it’s real easy to stay on the fence and still do You, and it’d be cool if we could love the Lord and still go do our thing, but see it doesn’t work like that, you gotta be white or black” -Jonathan McReynolds

Once service was over, everyone dispersed and began leaving or hanging around to socialize with one another. A lot of people came up to me, shaking my hand and telling me how much I blessed them with my singing, and that I should join the choir or the praise team because they really felt something when I sang. I thanked them but told them that was just for today, but if God said differently then I would have no choice but to do what He says. I must admit I really felt good being up there singing for God, but I still wasn’t sure if that was something I wanted to continue doing. I decided to just continue to take one step at a time, and whatever happens, happens.

Even after they all left, I couldn’t help but stay glued to my seat, because I was not looking forward to the trip home with my mother. I don’t even know if I’m in trouble or not, and if I am, I don’t really know why, because all I did was speak my mind, and we were taught to never be afraid to say what’s on our mind and speak how we feel. June stayed seated next to me, and I could feel him watching me, waiting on my next move.

He sighed as he put his arm over my shoulder, pulling me into a comforting side hug, “I know it may seem like sitting here is the best thing to do in this moment, but you can’t stay here forever Sash. The quicker you get through it the quicker it’ll be over. I really don’t know why you’re so worried, it’s just a half hour ride with Mama. You sitting here acting like you’re about to descend into the pits of hell, my goodness. All she wants to do is talk, because she realizes there’s still a lot about you she still has yet to know, that’s it. She just wants to get to know you,” June said, trying to talk some sense into me, “Look, I know you feel like your worlds are starting to collide, but maybe it needs to happen, maybe this was supposed to happen because I think life is beginning to show you that you can’t live comfortably in two different worlds. You either have to choose one, or bridge the two together. You can’t grow correctly if you’re still doing what you were doing in the past. Einstein said it best, doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is insanity, so snap out of it, Sash and get it together. This is your life, and if you want to be in control of the ship, you need to take the wheel and face the storm head on and not cower when a strong wave comes and knocks you off balance. You’re the Captain, so you determine whether you sink or stay afloat,” he said in a serious tone.

I sighed as I nodded, “You’re right. I need to get it together,” I said as I turned to him give a soft smile, “When did you get so wise?” I asked.

He smiled as he looked away bashfully, “Hey, what can I say, my sister just so happens to be one of the smartest people I know, even when she doesn’t have it all together, like now, I still can’t help but to learn from you,” he replied giving me a playful nudge, making me laugh softly.

“Thanks Juney, it’s just moments like this that remind me that not only am I human and that I’m not perfect, but that I’m still a 16 year old teenager, trying to be an adult in the midst of a rebellious phase, and that’s just as crazy as it sounds. That’s why experience is life’s greatest teacher, and each day as I experience my ups and downs, I’m only learning more and more. Thanks for talking some sense into me, because I honestly don’t know why I’m so worried and…afraid? I don’t know, I guess that’s just the fear of the unknown, huh? That’s making me feel this way,” I said with a shrug.