The Middle Child

Chapter 29

Before we begin, three things: 1) It’s a long one, literally my longest chapter ever written. 

2) I tried. 

and 3) A lot happens, so I’m not going to be incredibly detailed. 

Sasha

“If you ask me, how I felt being alone? Where I was weak, God made me strong, if you ask me, if I really feel secure? Before I say yes, I must be sure, sunny days, don’t mean that it won’t ever rain, money may, bring things but it won’t erase the pain, I love you, you love me, but we must be sure, we may be, the best of friends, but in the end it’s true love that wins, gotta be a love that will endure, gotta be absolutely sure” -Karen Clark-Sheard

A week later, Friday afternoon…

“Hello there, you alright?” Dr. Brown asked in her calm, soothing voice once I sat down at the start of our session. She says that at the beginning of every session without fail, and without fail I look forward to hearing her say that. She’s so consistent with it I feel like if there’s ever a session that she doesn’t say it, the world might spin off its axis or something. It’s been a couple of days since we’ve been home from seeing Mommy and I swear, every time we see her it gets harder and harder for us to leave, it’s like our separation anxiety is on ten, and if you think that’s bad for me, multiply it by another 10 and you have my mom. It’s weird, and I don’t know what it is, but this is the second time my Mama acted a whole fool when it was time to leave and I honestly don’t understand why, but then again, they do have a very healthy sisterly relationship. Like creepy close. I don’t really know what that’s like considering one of my sister’s hates my very existence on this earth, one I’m slowly building a bond with, and one who I love dearly, but Blue’s young, it’s just not the same. But hey, I digress, I was taught to stay out of grown folks’ business. I just hope Mommy has the baby before I leave for school, but I can already tell that Nugget is a little shady baby so she’s going to do things on her own time and in her own way. 

I smiled warmly at her but it didn’t quite reach my eyes, “Hey Dr. B, I’m doing pretty good, I can’t complain,” I replied as I sat back on the couch. You know, a lot of people hate going to therapy, and not only that but they absolutely hate the idea of sitting in a chair and telling someone all of their problems because hearing it back it like a nail scraping a board, but not I. I love coming to see Dr. B. She doesn’t judge, she doesn’t feel like a therapist, and she tells it like it is. 

She gave me a knowing look, “Hmm, your mouth said that, but your eyes were saying something completely different. You know they say the eyes are the windows to the soul, and I look into your eyes and I see a weary soul,” she said and I sighed in defeat, because she had me there.

“That’s because my soul is weary Dr. B,” I said as I laid out on the couch, closing my eyes and covering them with my arm, like how those patients be on the tv shows. 

I could hear her hum and write something down on her notepad, “And tell me, why is that? You’ve been coming here for a while now and this is the first time in a while you’ve been like this. Now I know that you just came back from vacation with your parents and siblings, right?” I nodded, “How did that go?”

“Well, the majority of the trip was great. Even though it was a family vacation, it doubled as a food tour for my brother because you know he’s going to culinary school. I spent a lot of time with him, and when we were with the rest of the family, I spent a lot of time with my mom and younger siblings. I had a great time with them.”

“What about your dad, and your older sister?”

Before I realized it, a frown had graced my face. At this point when it came to this topic that was my natural response, “Well as far as my dad is concerned, I didn’t see him until he flew in to take over the vacation so that my mom and I could fly out and visit my Godmother, so that was about the same as it’s been for the past few months, but when it comes to my sister, I just can’t help but feel like…the Lord is testing me,” I said.