The Middle Child

Chapter 19

Sasha

“Lord make me over, Lord make me over, Lord make me over, make me over again, make me over again…”-Tonèx (I know he goes by B. Slade now, but when I was growing up, he was Tonèx)

I woke up early the next morning because my whole entire body was in pain. It felt like I punched a brick wall at full force, and in return the wall knocked me out like I was Deebo. I looked around and I saw that I was alone, so that meant that Mommy must have left not too long after I fell asleep. I thought back to the conversation we had last night after everything happened and Mama left to go see about the others. She told me that she was planning to move to Atlanta for a few months because of some upcoming projects she had scheduled. I know there’s another reason why she’s leaving, but she insists that’s the only reason why. Now usually, I would have just accepted that, but the fact that she told me to keep it between us for now until she could tell everyone else. That makes me think there’s more to the story, but I won’t stress it for now, I’m just really sad to know that she’s leaving because I know I’ll miss her like crazy, but I have to get used to her not always being physically present for me, especially considering in a few short months I’ll be living across the country for college. I just hope the real reason why she’s leaving is not too bad or nothing that can’t be fixed.

I groaned as I turned so that I was laying on my back, and I turned my head to look at the clock on the wall and I saw that it was 7 in the morning. On Sunday’s everyone in this house sleeps in, so no one will be up until at least 11. Sadly, I can’t say the same because I have to be at church by 9 at the latest. At first, I wanted to just call Pac and tell him I couldn’t sing with him today, but I hate changing plans so last minute, especially when it’s been set in stone for weeks, and I didn’t want to let him down. And to be completely honest, after last night, I feel a little embarrassed at the way I acted last night, and I can’t help but feel like everyone will see me in a different light, like I have issues, like I’m broken. And because of that, I feel like this is the last place I want to be right now, and maybe if I get away for a while, in an environment completely different from this one, I’ll feel a little better.

And what better place to do that then at church. I need just a little more Jesus, to help me along the way.

I looked up at the ceiling for a moment before closing my eyes and saying a prayer, asking God to heal my heart, guide my steps, and give me peace, as well as to give me strength and numb my pain, because this wasn’t it chief. Once I finished, I sucked it up and got up, going straight to my bathroom to take a shower to help ease the pain in my aching muscle and also further wake me up and make me feel more like a person and less like a sack of bruised potatoes. I even decided against listening to music, I just wanted silence, and for once I just wanted to get lost in my thoughts.

20 minutes later…

Once I finished my shower, I got out feeling better than I did when I got in but not all the way 100%, and that’s mainly because my hand was killing me. I looked at it and I don’t think it’s broken, but of course, last night I picked shards of glass out of it so the pain I wasn’t feeling last night, I’m feeling full force now. I opened my cabinet and took out the Tylenol and Aspirin, taking two of the Tylenols and one aspirin, hoping they would kick in quickly. I looked at my phone and I saw that I had a little under an hour to get ready, and I was planning on getting there early to hang out with the Walls for a bit so I quickened my pace, ignoring the pain because the more I moved around the less it bothered me.

I quickly did the rest of my hygiene routine before pulling out everything I needed to do my hair. In times like these I was so happy that my hair was cut really short, because all I had to do was put some mousse, curling cream, or water to make the curls pop, add a little edge control to swoop my edges, and I was good to go. I feel like that was one of the best decisions I had ever made. I quickly did my makeup, giving myself a soft glam look, and then I changed my bandages and rewrapped my hand with a skin toned wrap that matched my skin perfectly and wouldn’t draw any attention to my hand before exiting my bathroom, going into my closet to find something simple to wear. I settled on dark wash skinny jeans with a few modest rips, a black, white, and red color block sweater with black leather pads on the elbows, and a white button down that I wore underneath, tucking half the front in and leaving the other out, and some black leather pointed toe low heeled ankle booties. I paired it all with gold jewelry, and I gave myself a once over in my full-length mirror and I smiled at my reflection, pleased at the look. I sprayed some light perfume on and grabbed a small crossbody bag, and walked into my room, grabbing all my essentials and my keys before looking at the time on my phone and saw that I was making good time. I walked over to my desk and got a sheet of paper and a marker and wrote a little note saying that I went to church in case anyone came in to check on me. I took the paper and sat it on my pillow.