The Middle Child

Chapter 7

Sasha

“And my favorite excuse is I got it, when I don’t wanna talk I switch the topic, not afraid to die they know I’m bout it, cause you can’t get to heaven on a rocket, I need to stop and focus on surviving, focus on what I think in my noggin, what goes on in my head like toboggan, I know God gave His only begotten, but sometimes why I feel so forgotten?” -Aha Gazelle

Two weeks later… Friday (Don’t you just love a good time jump?)

Today is my birthday and I’m so excited, I barely got any sleep last night. I don’t know what to expect for today but I hope that everything will be perfect despite a few circumstances. I talked to Mommy a few days ago and she told me that she got caught up in a few last minute press tours and now she wasn’t sure if she would be able to be here to celebrate with me for my birthday, but she promised that she would try her absolute best to be here. At first, I was really bummed, but she promised that she would try her best to be here and she’s never broke a promise to me, so because of that I’m remaining optimistic that she will pull through.

Also, as of late my mom has been really busy with work, especially with getting Chloe and Halle ready for their upcoming album, so I haven’t seen much of her considering she leaves for work early and comes home late, so I barely see her, but since I’ve been working I hardly see anyone that much. The only person I see a lot is June, and that’s because he takes me to school and work, and I’m so glad that we get off at around the same time so he can pick me up from work. I know it’s beginning to be a bit much on him, taking us back and forth from school and then having to go a little out his way to take me to work and then rush to work so that he won’t be late, and then having to come pick me up after all of that, I know it’s hard on him, so I make sure to let him know every day that I’m extremely grateful for him and I thank him for going out of his way to help me. He always just brushes it off and says that it’s no big deal, that he enjoys hanging out with me and he’s only doing what he’s supposed to do as my big brother. Also, he says that if the roles were reversed, he knows I would do the same for him, which is true.

As for everyone else they have been in their own world doing their own things, I try not to bother them too much and as for Brooklyn and Four I try to stay away from them at all costs because I don’t have time for their drama. Just because they have an issue with me for whatever reason doesn’t mean I have to let it affect me. All I can do is give them a tissue for their issues. My dad and I still have a bit of an awkward relationship, so I try not to subject us to any more tension than needed; we just have our standard “how was school?” or “how was your day?” or any other question that seems like either of us is remotely interested in what the other has to say, or the bare necessity questions. It doesn’t bother me too much, it probably should, but it doesn’t. It would bother me more if he didn’t try at all, but at least he does seem to care about me and my well-being.

I can’t lie, it kind of bothers me that things were seemingly going well with my mom and I only for things to go stagnant. But at the same time, I hate to admit it but I kinda saw it coming. It’s a rarity when people change and stay changed, and I’m also speaking for myself when I say that, because even though I’m trying to be more present around my family, I know that I could be trying harder and doing more.

A family unit is like a team. Everyone plays a part, and when one player starts slacking off and losing focus it affects everyone else; some people slack off because they see someone else slacking off, or someone else is working harder to pick up that slack, and as a result, everything becomes off kilter, and there’s no balance. And if there’s no balance, how can the family remain unified? It can’t, that’s why my family hasn't been united for a while now, no matter how great they think things are.