The Middle Child

Chapter 11

Sasha

“Everything you need is right here, stop your worries, throw away your fears, it’s ok to take a step right through the door, and your problems won’t be problems anymore, don’t cha know that I, don’t cha know that I love ya? don’t cha know that I care?” -The Walls Group

I decided to hang out at the Walls’ home for a little while longer before I left to go to my house since I had a few hours of free time before the dinner, and I still wanted to show Paco my new look before I left. He was out hanging out with some of his friends and I knew he would be back home soon. Now I was just chilling with Rhea and Ahjah, and Ahjah was giving me a lot of tips and advice on how to go about with my hair like this now since she used to have short hair and I really appreciated it. I know I made such a drastic decision cutting my hair, which I don’t regret, and even though I had given it much thought and consideration before I did it, now that it was actually done I was going to need all the help I could get adjusting to my new norm.

I was also texting June as well, he was excited that I was finally coming back home, even if only for dinner. June has pretty much been my supplier for all the tea that’s been brewing at my house since I’ve been gone these past few months. According to him, things have been very different and divided, and tensions have been steady mounting. Mom and Dad have been arguing more, and that energy has caused my siblings to divide against each other, Brooklyn and Four vs. June and Blue. Apparently, Brooklyn and Four are mad at me (but what else is new) because they think this is all my fault (again, what else is new) and that I’m overreacting about all of this and it’s because of me that Mom and Dad are fighting. June and Blue have been defending me and negating Brooklyn and Four’s viewpoints and opinions by stating that that’s the exact reason we are in this situation, because if they truly feel that way then they can’t and/or don’t see that they are really the problem, and they are the reason why I feel the way I do. He said things have kind of calmed down because once Grandma and Aunt Solange came to town, they had kind of put everyone in their place. According to June, WWE Smackdown didn’t have nothing on the beatdown my Grandma and Aunt gave my Mom and Dad.

Man, I wish I could have seen that.

I had been in contact with Solo and Grandma of course, the moment they found out they had reached out to me, expressing their disappointment in my family and they tried to make me feel better as best as they could but at that time the hurt was still very fresh so I wasn’t as open and receptive as I am now. Now I feel in my heart that I can truly say that I am now and I’m in a better place, which is one of the few reasons why I’m actually looking forward to tonight. This time was needed for my heart to heal, and for that anger to fade. One thing I learned early on is that no one is any good when they’re angry. Anger is an emotion that is very powerful. It can overpower your emotions, and it overpowers your logic to the point you don’t have sound judgement, so you have to be careful because when you’re angry the things you say and do is coming from a place of that anger and hurt, and that’s where the phrase “hurt people hurt people” come into play. The only thing that matters in that moment is hurting the person who hurt you or anyone within reach as bad or worse than you’re hurting. It helps no one and it makes things worse. I can admit that I was in that place, and I was fighting as hard as I could to not let my anger win.

I think I can say I did a good job.

June was currently telling me about what Grandma was making for dinner and how he made himself her sous chef so he could watch her and learn some of her recipes and techniques.

OhMySash: You know you ain’t slick and she knows what you trying to do right? Why don’t you at least confide in her and tell her about your dream? She’s probably the best person to talk to about it other than me.