Ignore Danke

Forever (D)

A/N erm... sorry for flashbacks. Also set after Fan Fiction.

It started with leaving Sam alone. All by himself in the motel room and, as always, with wifi.

Castiel and Dean returned to see Sam rolling on the floor crying, blotches of tears on the table leading slowly over to his bed where he was attempting to crawl to. His eyes were blood shot and arms shaking, chest pounding and chocking on his own sadness.

"Sammy! Sam, hey!" Dean ran over to him, skidding along the floor to his brothers torso and lifting Sam to face upwards. "Sammy? What is it!?" His voice was raised in panic.

"YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPY!" He breathed in deeply like a reverse hiccup. "YOU-YOU FUCKED UP, DEAN"

"Alright, alright. Cas, get rid of any alcohol in a 100 mile radius of this place please" Dean soothed his brother and tried to fling him up onto the bed.

"I'm not drunk Dean!" Sam pushed him away, attempting to stand up, but wobbling slightly.

"I can totally see that" the sarcastic remark just seemed to upset Sam more.

"I'm going out. And if you find my body off a bridge, don't be so shocked" Sam slammed the door shut behind him, the room shaking with the impact.

"What up with him?" Dean turned to Cas.

"Honestly I have no idea. But, err, we should probably follow him" Cas directed him to the door.

"Yeah. That's a...that's a good idea" Dean grabbed his jacket and ran out after his brother.

Sam had tried to get as far away from them as possible but only failed, hearing two pairs of feet coming behind him.

"Sam, what the hell is wrong with you?" Dean demanded, grabbing his brother and turning him around, halting all three of them.

"'ts nothing" he mumbled, only just audible.

"Yeah, totally. What do you mean I fucked up?"

"I said its noting. I don't need reminding"

"Of what!?" Dean was beginning to loose his patience. Especially as it had something to do with him.

"Just...it's nothing. Stupid, nothing"

Cas and Dean exchanged worried looks as they all walked back to the motel, spending the evening trying to forget what had happened.

-

One week after they discovered Sam on the floor, they were back at the buker after a case. Cas rummaged through some of the old records and put one he thought the Winchesters would enjoy as much as he did. Dean was in the kitchen, making their brunch, Sam still half asleep across the table on his laptop.

"Is it okay if I put oon some music, Sam?" Cas asked, holding the record to the player.

"Yeah, of course" Sam mumbled into the table.

Cas put it on, the sound filling the room and immedietly recognisable. For all the wrong reasons for Sam though. The ex-angel waltzed around the room, looking for a book, when he looked back at the younger Winchester his arms were shaking and visually sobbing into his arms.

"Sam?" Castiel rushed over, stroking over his back and firmly patting it. Sam wasn't one to cry...often, but twice in a week? Something had to be really wrong. "Dean!" Cas called, pulling a chair to comfort Sam closer.

Dean rushed and saw Cas trying to relax his brother, giving a desperate look up to him. "Sammy? Talk to me" Dean soothingly said.

"Leave me alone"

And I can't help falling in love with you

Sam began uncontrollably sobbing into the table and coiling into a big ball in his chair, slowly slipping off onto the floor.

"SAM!" the two fell down next to him, trying to get his attention. "Sam you gotta get out of this-this trance" Dean shook him, making his brother look up into his concerned eyes.

Sammy tried to breathe deeply, sitting up properly before using Cas and his brother to stand up, hobbling to his bedroom where you could hear muffled sobbing from.

"We gotta talk to him, Cas. That's twice now. Twice and he hasn't told us" Dean folded his arms and bit his lip, swaying in the kitchen as Cas walked around him with a hot cup of cocoa in his boxers.

"Don't worry, I'm sure there's a logical explanation for this. We've just got to take it easy, it's obviously a sensitive subject, we need to wait until he's more emotionally stable to confront him" Cas stood to face Deans side, putting his mug down and leaning to peck his cheek.

"Do you think...Cas do you think he could've found about...us?" Dean sighed, closing his eyes.

"No, he would've faced us earlier if it was such a close-to-home subject"

"I'll talk to him tomorrow"

Cas glared at his new boyfriend "We'll talk to him tomorrow"

-

"Morning sunshine" Dean pulled Cas in for a tight hug and quick kiss, going back to his paper and toast.

Cas nervously shuddered, glacing between Dean and where a sleepy Sam would soon emerge from. "Are we going to ask him now?"

"As soon as he walks through, yeah" the hunter nodded, scratching his forehead.

After a few tense minutes of waiting, Sam lazily stumbled in, sniffling from a previous nights of presumably crying, and didn't even make eye-contact with his brother or Cas when he slumped opposite Dean on the table.

"Sammy, we need to have a talk" Dean suddenly said, beckoning Cas to sit next to him.

Sam looked at them dully and shook his hair out, running his hands over his face and breathing sharply in. "Look, I know what this is about. And I only wish I could make you understand"

"You've got to tell us more than that, Sam" Cas gave a sympathetic smile, tilting his head.

"I can't" he chocked.

Dean didn't have much patience in him, annoyed and feeling sorry for his brother. "Can't or won't? Huh? What's so bad that you can't tell me? Or Cas?"

"I'm not going to say anything" Sam gulped.

"Sam" Dean sternly replied, causing the tension to skyrocket.

Before the silence could be too much, Sam grumbled put, "I-I read...something. Online."

"Erotic writings getting you all emotional?" Dean was internally crying with laughter. Cas seemed more understanding on the subject, seeing something deeper in Sams eyes.

"More like homoerotic fan fiction from undiscovered authors online" that completely threw Dean and Cas.

Dean was wide eyed and stared, screaming in his head "What?"

"From what the fans were discussing at the high school, I mean...you and Cas is a legit pairing. So I did a bit of digging." Sam got up his laptop and showed Dean the story, feeling the need to explain himself more. "And I found this book...and, it took me a while, but I finished it. And I can't make you understand how...emotionally hard it hit me. So laugh all you like, but-"

"I understand. Something's just hit you right in the feels, so I'm not going to judge your feelings. Believe me, that's the last approach to this ever" Dean sighed understandingly.

"Right. Thanks" the younger Winchester let out a deep breath, feeling much better and getting one step closer to getting over it.

Dean stood up and felt like since they were admitting things now, he may as well tell about Cas and him. He held his hand, pulling him close. "Now that's cleared up, me and Cas are going to go away for a while. A mini holiday...to the beach"

Sams head snapped up and he felt what little remained of his soul die. "WHAT!?"