Longshot - catfish and the bottlemen

47 - Van

For the first time in months I'm waking up in the bed of my very own home with the girl of my dreams asleep on my chest. I can feel her start twitching which she always does when she's just about to wake up and after about 5 minutes her bright green eyes snap open. How she looks so beautiful asleep and in the morning I'll never know. I move my fingers up and down her back and can't help but notice that I can feel her spine more than I have before. Bella has lost weight since I last seen her, it's not like there was any weight to lose in the first place and that's how I know she hasn't just 'gone on a diet' or 'started going on runs'.

I don't know how I'm supposed to bring it up with her because I wasn't around in that time of her life which I tell myself is a good thing because it would've broken me to see her so ill but deep down I wish I knew what to look out for. An idea soon springs to my head so I give her a kiss on the head knowing if I go downstairs she'll follow and I'm hungry anyway. As soon as I put two slices of bread in the toaster I can hear her footsteps approaching the kitchen and all I can do is put my arms around her because I feel guilty about the conversation I'm about to start with her. The toast jumps up from the toaster and Bella disappears off round the other side of the island in the middle with the cup of coffee she holds in between her two hands. The guilt is telling me to just leave it but I know deep down that if I do I'll never forgive myself so I place the two slices of toast on a plate and slice it across the island to her. The fear in face is enough for me to know exactly what it is going on.

"you haven't been eating enough lately have you?" I ask, walking round to hold her hand because I know she'll think I'm just having a go at her. The look on her face makes me feel even worse about confronting her about it but I had to say something so I put my arms round her, just to let her know that I'm only bringing it up because I care. "I'm not having a go at you darling I'm just worried about you, I've never seen you like this. What happened Bell?"

"Nothing" Her soft voice speaks so quietly but I know three no way of me getting her to tell me so all I can do is move on and just keep her even more under my radar until I decide what to do. I give her forehead a kiss as well as giving her shoulder a reassuring squeeze and pull the chair out next to her to sit and eat breakfast.

"What's the plan for today? I reckon you make your carbonara for tea tonight and we can have a night in if we're going out on Monday or we have tea here and go out to the pub or something?" I can see the relief in her eyes as I change the conversation which makes me worried because I don't know if I'll ever understand but I know if we eat at home tonight she won't get away with avoiding it.

"You need to go and see your mum and dad, they've missed you. Why don't we have the boys round for tea and we can go out afterwards because they've not been here yet" This is exactly why I like being home, it feels like we're teenagers again but we're all grown up now.

"I love you, brains of the relationship you are" I tease, throwing an arm round her jokingly.

An hour or so passes and to be walking around the house we live in together feels like a dream I had when Bella started hanging about with us. I always fancied her and there's no doubt about it, Larry knew I'd be a fan of her and that's why he took her round one day. Since then I'd always be walking up to larrys hoping I'd maybe see her as she lived next door and then a few years passed and we properly started the band while Bella sat with Larry and listened to us 24/7. When I finally plucked up the courage to kiss her after the Arctic Monkeys gig on her 17th birthday I'd never have pictured us living in a house together, I dreamt it all the time but it's the type of situation that seems to good to be true.

Bella comes downstairs in her black jumpsuit with her red high top converse on and I remember once walking along the beach with her, holding hands until I stopped to tie her shoe lace. This was before I asked her to be my girlfriend but next thing I know the boys are shouting from behind us saying she's already got me whipped and it's not even official yet which was too true.

When she walks over to the couch in the living room she picks up a banana on her way before chucking herself down next to me which makes me smile because earlier she was looking at those two bits of toast like they were poison. I pick up her legs and pull them over mine so they're resting over the top of mines from the angle she's sitting at and just being able to sit here in her presence has me feeling like I've already won at life.

"The amount of fan accounts I've discovered while you've been away is insane, you're very popular with the ladies" she winks at me which makes me chuckle because she always needs to use every muscle in her face to wink. "thousands of girls after you but you're sat here with me"

"No place I'd rather be sunshine" I wink back, a lot more effortlessly than Bella but her cheeks go all red at the compliment just like the first time I said something nice about her.

Yes we've gotten older and been through some shit but deep down we're still the same kids who fell in love and had our first kiss outside the local in the smoking area, keeping it classy and romantic as always.