Longshot - catfish and the bottlemen

11- Van

I've just went through all that to tell her I'm still in love with her. That's not the type of thing I should've just thrown out there. She just looks surprised, probably in a bad way because there's no way she loves me, not now. I think the only reason she's been so quick to let me back into her life is because she's used to people letting her down, I need to show her I won't let her down again but I don't even know if we're friends, if we're just acquaintances or what. It's time to break the silence I've created now though.

"Anyway, your turn now." I say, ignoring the fact I've just told the poor girl I'm in love with her.

Now my mind was elsewhere though, waiting to hear the truth about what she's been up to.
A broken rib that she says she caused by falling down the stairs which was obviously a lie. I know she doesn't get on with her mum and it probably got worse after her dad passed away, I hope nothing got physical though, I pray it wasn't her mum. Although she moved to Ireland when her dad passed I thought, there's no way it was Ewan. God it doesn't even need to have been a person, maybe she did something even more stupid than fall down the stairs which she didn't want to tell me.

"Well you know, I was still in uni when you left and obviously I was hurt, lost without you but nothing unusual for someone who's just come out of a two year relationship. Things were pretty much normal and then I moved in here, moved out of the shitey student accommodation. Lost my dad and then my relationship with my mum got worse, I tried to save it so my dad would be proud but I don't think my mum wanted to, same with Ewan. She's a horrible person but she's my mum. I got sick because of things she said to me that made me feel shit about myself over the phone but Ewan realised and I started getting better, stopped talking to my mum. Graduated and now I work in the record shop" She says, finishing her story with a more uplifting tone.

It's typical of her to brush over big issues, she was leaving out some big things. She got sick because of what her mother said to her? I don't even know what that means and she never told me anything of the past year, it was last year she graduated and I know because of the certificate on her wall. Her rib is broken which she still hasn't told me about and I get the feeling she doesn't want to feel like a burden. I want to know what happened to her.

""Sick? Like how sick? What happened Bell, how long ago was this? What about your broken rib? How did that happen love?" When I look up at her she looks defeated, as if she knows I'm not silly enough to not see all the gaps in the story.

What I've just said was ignored when she stands up to offer me another cup of tea, instead of saying no and forcing the truth out of her I hand her my cup. Maybe she'll open up to me if she realises I'm not going to push her or anything. The kettle boils in the background, leaving me to sit alone with my thoughts for a minute or two waiting for her to return. As she walks through with two fresh cups of tea I looked for anything that might give me a clue but nothing did. There was anything it could be at this point, anything. That's when I asked again, moving to sit beside her instead of across from her on the chair in the corner.

"Can you not tell? Do I not look weak and disgusting?" Hearing her talk so poorly of herself makes me upset, she's beautiful and I just want to tell her that to me she's the most gorgeous woman in the world but I don't think she's done talking so I decide to not interrupt. "I was anorexic Van, I spent the last year and a half getting battered black and blue by someone I thought loved me as much as you did. Van everybody has let me down and I-" Shes at the point now she can't ever speak for tears.

I wrap an arm round her, trying not to scare her but she leans herself into my chest so I pull her in closer. My heart drops, I can't believe she went through this and I wasn't here to protect her. The fact someone has even lifted a hand to her breaks my heart but hearing it wasn't just once breaks it even more. The fact she didn't eat as a result of her mother's harsh words also broke my heart. The fact if I didn't leave her none of this would've happened has the biggest effect on me though, this isn't about me anymore, she's just opened up to me about some serious things and I can't turn it on myself.

"Is he gone? Isabella are you safe?" I ask seriously as she cries into my chest. I feel her head nod and I wrap my other arm around her, rubbing one of her arms with my hands hoping to reassure her I'm not going to hurt her and I'm not going to let anybody hurt her but me giving her a hug isn't going to fix anything. For her to sit her sobbing into my arms after what I've done just proves how broken she really is.

Where do we go from here? Do I go to the police or take her to the doctor? Hospital? If she's got a broken rib she's probably already been otherwise she'd just tell me she's got a sore side or something. Fuck. I want to do what's right here, I need to do what's right here. Maybe it's been dealt with, by Ewan. After all he told me she needs people like me and the lids so maybe he knows. But I don't think it's the time to discuss it, there probably never will be a good time but when she's crying into my chest it's not the best.

"You're okay sweetheart, I'm not going to let anybody hurt you again okay?" I said, fighting back tears of my own. I can't believe what she's been through. Her arm slowly creeps around my waist, hugging me back and I'm glad.