Longshot - catfish and the bottlemen

34- Van

"Just going out for a ciggy" I announce to the boys while they set things up on the stage. Part of me feels guilty, I've not been very talkative recently and the lids probably think I'm a right moody prick. Although I'll happily sit and have a game of fifa with them, takes my mind off Bell for a while.

"Van? Lighten up a bit, you've gone all lost puppy recently and it's for no reason. You know Bellas doing fine and you'll see her soon, she'd hate you if she knew you've been moping around whenever you're off the stage." Bondys right, I've only got a month to go and then I'll be able to see her again so I should probably just start looking forward to that rather than sitting going through all our photos.

I just nod my head at him before disappearing off outside, the sound of all the New York traffic drowns out my thoughts for a couple of seconds. Even just standing smoking reminds me of her, smoking is only one of the bad habits she developed as a result of hanging round us lot. It's the type of thing you do as a kid because you think it's cool but the older you get you wish you never started but I'm passed the point of caring, I passed that point long ago.

I suddenly hear someone call my name, it's not a voice I recognise so I don't even bother to turn around. Not in the mood for a chat right now, I'm absolutely shattered. After this gig tonight I'm going to sleep for the whole weekend we're in New York. The voice shouts my name again, this time I can tell they're a lot closer so I turn round and practically shit myself with who is standing in front of me. That was a long time ago, things are different now so I'll keep calm, this isn't anything weird.

"Thought I'd come and say hello, long time no see." She walks closer to me, pulling out her own pack of cigarettes that looked expensive, they matched her personality.

"What are you doing here Emily? Really." I toss my ciggy to the ground in attempt to make it clear this wasn't a conversation that was going to last. It's been at least two years since I've seen this face, she hadn't changed, not one bit. "I'm with Isabella, we just got a house together and-"

"Relax Van, I came to say hello, that's all." I can feel her step closer to me and I know it's bad news, so I shake my head and head back in the direction of the door back into where we were playing tonight. "Although rumour on the street is that you're having troubles, second thoughts even and to be fair in your recent gigs you've been a bit more, lifeless." Even Just the way she talks is trouble, she knows exactly what she has over me. I just never thought I'd come face to face with her again

"Cause I fuckin' miss her that's why. What the fuck would you know?" The frustration had built up over a while and she seemed to enjoy the fact I was getting annoyed. The smirk on her face suggested she didn't care for the anger or frustration I was feeling.

"Glad you worked things out Van" The sarcastic tones in her voice are only adding to my frustration but if I talk back I'll just be in a shit mood, it's not fair in the boys, I've already been moody for most of the tour.

I just head back inside, slamming the door a little harder than I anticipated which catches Bobs attention. Thank god it's Bob, he's the only one who knows the real story of Emily, the rest of the boys think it's just a song but Bob knows all about it. Bob caught me out and I had to explain everything to him, I realised it was silly and we just never talked about it again. The boys don't know because they'll just make it about Bella and turn it into something that it isn't.

He looks at me confused after I slam the door and when I tell him who it was I just seen his face drops, just like mines did when I seen her standing there. He just tells me that she's trouble turning up now and he's right but I already know that, which is exactly why I'm standing here and not out there giving her the time. Although I'm confused as to why it's now she's shown up. We were in New York this time last year and she never showed up, now I'm with Bella and she turns up like it's nothing.

______

The gig was mad, one of the biggest ones we've done over here yet. FaceTimed Bell before I went on the stage which gave me an extra boost of adrenaline, even the lids said they noticed I was a bit more lively tonight and I'm glad because I felt guilty always being so down. We come right off stage and have a beer straight away, for the first time in a while I've come off without feeling depressed about the fact I won't see Bella for so long. After about two beers I take myself outside for a ciggy, haven't had one since this morning.

"Hey stranger" Speaks the same familiar voice from earlier, I turn round to see Emily standing there smoking and I just roll my eyes and turn around. I can't be arsed with the hassle. "Van you got the wrong message, I'm just here for a catch up. We've not seen each other in two years, you think I still want to get in your pants?" Emily's says, sounding more genuine than ever. She's right, its been over two years and for me to keep being a prick towards her is wrong, whatever happened between us was too long ago to hold a grudge over.

"Yeah, sorry I just didn't expect to see you." I tell her, smiling so she doesn't think I'm some arsehole who just doesn't want to acknowledge her existence.

"Want to go for a coffee tomorrow? Literally just a coffee and we can chat." She asks, tossing her cigarette to the ground, smiling at me so politely which only makes me feel guilty for being horrible earlier.

"Sure, I'm staying here at the hotel so just meet me at the front at like 11 or summet"

I can't tell the boys, they don't even know about her in the first place and Bob will just talk me out of it. Nothings weird about this though, I'm literally going for a coffee with someone I used to be friends with. Besides we have the whole weekend here so if I go now it means I won't be pestered the whole weekend, just need to get it out the way I guess.