Longshot - catfish and the bottlemen

7- Van

"Christ, I knew you missed her and regretted everything but I didn't know you were still bloody in love with her" Larry teased as we make our way back home from dropping Bella off at her house. In love? I don't think I ever stopped loving her but I just thought that's how it is and I didn't know it was obvious enough for Larry to pick up on. "Still call her Bell, the nickname only you called her and I seen you look at her from across the table"

"I think she's just someone I'll always love mate" I respond as we come to a halt outside my house.

"Be careful with her Van, you've done enough damage and you don't want her thinking you're doing something you're not." He says, walking says down the road until I can't see him anymore. I know that I ended things badly and I know that I should've spoke to her and been there for her but I'm not stupid enough to do something silly.

I creep inside, trying to avoid the stairs that creak so I don't wake up my mum and dad or any of the guests staying. When I reach my bedroom I chuck my jeans into the corner of my bedroom and jump into bed. Sleeping doesn't come as easy as I would've liked, she doesn't seem to leave my mind. Bell seems to live in there but she's only just come out to say hello or something.

When I wake up I see my mum standing over me with a glass of water and a few painkillers. She tells me I wasn't very quiet but she'll make me breakfast anyway because I'm never home. Nothing beats a breakfast by my mum, one of many things I've missed while being away. She's sitting waiting at the table as I arrive down stairs. While I'm horsing through my breakfast despite the time being 1 in the afternoon she tells me I should take the rest of the brownies she made round to her house and that I did.

It's a nice little house she's got herself, I can picture the inside already. Thankfully it's only a 5 minute walk from my parents as the rain comes on just as I'm approaching the bottom of her drive. As I'm walking up to her door I can't see any lights on but it's the afternoon so it's not like she needed any on, but then she doesn't answer the door after three knocks so 8 just assumed she wasn't in.

As soon as I turn round to head back down her drive with the box of brownies my mum made me take, I'm greeted with another familiar face from a few years ago standing at the bottom of the drive. I don't think he's noticed me and I don't know what he thinks of me now, we were close and we got on really well but that was before I broke his sisters heart. His head lifted up and a smile appeared on his face, he dropped the shopping bags as soon as he reached me as we stood at the front door of Bells house.

"Van mcann, didn't know you were back mate!"he exclaims, pulling me in for a unexpectedly friendly hug.

"Not been back long, coupla days. Erm I don't think she's in" I reply, awkwardly showing the box of brownies in my hand and shuffling back slightly.

"She's at work but I'll take them in for you if you like, just dropping off her shopping quickly" Ewan's says, digging out a pair of keys from his pockets.

"Yeah cheers" I handed him the box and just as I was about to head off I turn back and decided to try and be as nice as possible, best case scenario he'll say something to Bell. "Isabella said you've got a little girl now, congratulations" I say it in the most lighthearted way possible. I'm glad there's clearly no bad blood between us.

"Yeah cheers mate, well done on your music as well. Yous 'av done really well for yourselves but we'll need to catch up properly soon yeah? I'll let Bella know these came from you" He's surprisingly chill, like I never broke his sisters heart. There's a lot of his dad in him, they're so similar in the way they act. I guess it's probably a good thing Ewan or Bell haven't turned out as unkind as their mother. After I say goodbye I make my way down her drive and just as I step out the garden my name is called from behind me.

"She works at the record shop in the centre, take these in by there I'm sure she'll appreciate it" I don't know why he's so keen on me, or why he's encouraging me to go near his sister but I'm not complaining. I jog back up the drive and grab the box, saying thank you when Ewan gives me a friendly smile. "She's missed you, I don't know how things are between you two but you're round here with a box of brownies so I'm guessing yous have spoken. She needs someone like you and the boys right now Van" The tone in his voice was serious but I wasn't going to let her down like I have before.

"I regret what I've done Ewan, I'm just trying to make up for all that regardless of the outcome" He responds by flashing me a smile, reassuring me that he doesn't hate me and I have the feeling he knows what I'm like deep down. I mean what I say.

After leaving Bells house and chatting to her brother it makes me think more about how I need to just repair our relationship. If what Ewan says is true then it's better I stop moping around missing what we had when I have to opportunity to fix it. There's no way we'll ever go back to what we were, she'll never take me back into her life romantically but if she'll take me back into her life to be friends, that's all I want. I want to make up for the past three years but most of all I want to know she's okay, that she's really okay.