Longshot - catfish and the bottlemen

40 - Bella

"We stayed in contact till I was back in Llandudno but as soon as I realised I was still in love with you I blocked her. I promise." My heart drops to my stomach. One minute it's 'I haven't looked at any girl since I dumped you' then it's 'I slept with someone but that's it' and now it's 'I slept with someone and kept in contact with her until I seen you again'. I wouldn't have been bothered if he just told me that from the start, I just don't understand why he had to lie. I don't understand how he became so insensitive, bringing up the shit he knew bothered me the most.

"You were the one person I felt safe with and didn't feel like a burden to, one of the only people who avoided putting me through situations I'd be uncomfortable in or talking about things that brought back bad memories. Now you talk about it like it's nothing. I wouldn't have cared if you told me when I asked." I feel a lump in my throat appear so I decide to just give up, tears are already pooling in my eyes and if I carry on I'll just become a mess.

For a minute he looks like he might say something smart, something that will make me forget everything that's happened. Although when he goes to speak he stops himself and now I'm just sat on a bed he's not sleeping in while he's sat opposite me, staring at my watery eyes as I try not to breakdown into tears. I was secretly begging for him to just tell me everything's okay again, like he'd do when I'd be lying on my bathroom floor unable to speak or sitting at the kitchen table as all the bad memories ran through my head but he didn't.

"Bella, I'm tired. Let's do this tomorrow?" Before I even have the chance to say anything he pulls the string on the lamp between us and the room fades into darkness leaving me sitting there wondering if anything I said to him even mattered.  Now I really had become a burden to him.

He didn't have much to drink tonight but even on the nights Van would barely be able to stand, he'd still be the most caring, loving person I knew. I was hoping he'd maybe even come join me and just hold me for a couple of seconds but instead he just watched as my emotions got the better of me and ignored it. Once there was a time where he would refuse to stop staring at me until I'm happier but not anymore apparently.

It makes me wonder whether Van loves me the same. We went from spending every day together to a months apart and barely seeing each other, maybe the months apart was all he needed to realise I'm not the girl he wants to be with. I'm not even half as pretty as that Emily girl, she's definitely a model or something and I'm just a girl who lives in Llandudno.

What breaks my heart the most is that we just moved into a house together, I've been trying to have it perfect for the time he get's back for a few days before he's off to Europe. On top of that I've started my new job which I would never have done without him. The house we moved into was supposed to be the house we'd have a life together in, away from the rest of the world and now I'm not even sure if he wants any of that with me. He's gone from still remembering the baby names we discussed after not speaking for three years to not even wanting to tell me good night when I've flown 8 hours to see him.

Now I'm back to lying awake at night questioning whether the man I'm so deeply I'm love with me even loves me back. It hurts. It really really hurts.

Once again thanks to everyone who has been reading and voting for this, you're all legends x

P.S. sorry for the short chapter :///