Longshot - catfish and the bottlemen

38 - Bella

I didn't even go outside, the boys stopped me before I could and asked me to come sit with them. When I told them everything Van said they were just as surprised as I was, Van told them the song wasn't actually about a girl named Emily too which is why I'm convinced there's more to the story. Why would he hide it from his own band mates. Bob feels so guilty but I'm not mad at him, if anything I feel sorrry for him. Van has him keeping the secret of Emily for this long and I had them all keeping the fact my dad passed away from Van.

"I can't stay here for the weekend, I'd love to but I don't really feel like it's best for me and Van. We'll just fallout and I don't want us to." They look confused but I understand why, this whole trip was planned a few weeks ago and I only just got here yet I was about to leave. They did understand though, Bondy helped me swap my flight for one tomorrow night which meant I only had a day left with them all. It hurts because I missed the lids just as much as Van but if I stay I'll just be a burden and I don't want that.

"You seem to get bloody let down by everyone these days, no luck" jokes Benji. The mood lightens up slightly be Ayse of his little joke which was a typical Benji thing to do.

"Excuse me, Over 11 years of friendship and have I ever let you down? No I have not." Larry says with a smug grin on his face, making us all laugh slightly. "Come out with us tonight, The Balance is out in two hours so we're all going out. C'mon it won't be the same without you, especially now you're here"

After about 5 minutes of them trying to convince me to go out with them I finally give in. Although I had to change clothes and put on some makeup to hide the bags under my eyes but my bag was upstairs with Van. There's no way I can avoid the confrontation so we may as well just go through it sober and get it out of the way. Larry needs to move his stuff to the room he was now staying in anyway, I don't know how well me and Van will get on staying together tonight, especially under the influence.

Van gives me an awkward smile when he shuffled past me to help Larry with his stuff, you could cut the tension with a knife, even just between him and Larry. I heard him come back into the room but I was putting on some makeup and changing in the bathroom so I managed to avoid him for 5 quick minutes. I need to tell him I'm leaving tomorrow, it will probably make him feel a bit better so once I'm done, I drag myself out of the bathroom to see him sitting in the same chair as earlier, this time wearing a shirt and not the old little comets t-shirt he always wears.

"I'm going home tomorrow night, just thought I should let you know" The Look in his eyes is sad, for a minute I feel guilty but I didn't lie and keep things about my past relationships from him.

"You don't have to leave Bella, I want you to stay. I'm sorry kept things from you." He speaks so softly. I want to stay, I really want to but knowing me I won't be doing them any good. I'll just be battling my own thoughts and I'll end up taking it out on someone, it's better for me to go and just see them all in a months time when this has blown over. "You look nice" he adds giving me a smile with half of his mouth.

"I'm not tall, blonde and tanned though" As soon as I speak the regret hits me like a bus. I can't believe I just thought out loud. I don't even look for Van's reaction, instead I just grab my jacket and head for the door before we're late down to meet the boys. I feel Van slowly follow behind me, whether he said anything or not I don't know, I was too busy hating myself for talking out loud.

The tension between us all soon fades as the album is released into the public and everyone's feeling happy and proud, holding their drinks to the air for a big cheers. Due to the fact there's six of us it's easier to avoid Van, not that I wanted to, I just didn't want to lose my shit tonight because tonight's about them, they're all proud especially Van because it's his lyrics and his writing that's finally been released. All those days I the studios where he'd take a strop and half a 45 minute ciggy break paid off and it's genuinely great to see how well they've done.

We all head down to a little pub on one of the quieter streets away from all the busy crowds where we decide we'll spend the night, me and Van meet eyes a couple of times but I just smile so he knows I'm not completely ignoring his existence. I'm proud of him, he's been trying to make this band something since the day I met him, even when everyone was tempted to give up Van was there promising the boys they'd be something someday and look at them now, they're one of the best live bands around.