Silent Prayers

Chapter 32

"Stefan, take me upstairs" she whispered, leaning back in and kissing him again.

After a moment, he pulled back this time, looking into her eyes to see if she meant it. He wasn't so sure he should do what she had asked. "Elena ..." he said hesitantly. "I ... I ...I'm not in a good place right now" he said quietly. He wanted nothing more than to take her upstairs, but he wasn't sure it was in their best interest. He was feeling pretty damn vulnerable, having just told her things about his past that he would rather not have.

Elena nodded. "Neither am I" she reminded.

It wasn't said, but it was implied that they could go up those stairs and make each other feel good for a little while.

Elena watched him for another minute or so, seeing him debate with himself about whether or not he could go upstairs with her. She hopped off of the counter. "If you change your mind" she whispered, then walked away from him slowly to let him think about what he wanted without her there to pressure him.

When she reached the stairs, she let out a breath she had been holding. What was she thinking, asking Stefan to sleep with her? It was a horrible idea, and yet she couldn't stop thinking about it. They were divorced.

Elena reached her room and she left the door open. She walked to her window and looked out, finding the moon full and bright. She was starting to regret asking him to go upstairs with her. It made her look stupid ... desperate. He had turned her down, which didn't make her feel great. Maybe it was a good thing though, that he had hesitated.

She heard the floor creak and when she looked back, she found Stefan standing in her doorway. She held her breath, waiting to see if he stayed or left and completely forgetting about any regrets she had.

When he walked towards her, she didn't let out the breath she had been holding until he was standing in front of her. He reached his hand up and brushed a strand of hair out of her face. "I never thought you'd speak to me again, let alone want to see me" he said quietly. "I can't ... lose you again" he said sadly. It would possibly kill him.

She understood his hesitation. She also understood what he was thinking. If they slept together, she might regret it, considering where they had left things six months ago. "I have nowhere else to go" she told him. She couldn't run if regretted her decision. "I just know that I'm hurting right now, and I know you're hurting right now, and ... I just wanted us to feel something besides hurt" she tried to explain.

He was hurting. It was a horrible feeling, and he hated to know that she was hurting too. Maybe he deserved what he felt, but he knew in his heart that she couldn't have done one single thing to deserve the hurt she felt.

The lingering uncertainty about what would happen come morning was on his mind. One thing was for certain though. He loved her. He could either let fear or love determine his next move. Either walk out that door, or kiss her.

Elena waited expectably as she stood in front of him and looked into his eyes. She was going to let him decide.

Stefan stepped closer, wrapped his arms around her and leaned in to kiss her for a second or two. Then he leaned his head against hers and closed his eyes. "I want to feel something besides hurt too" he told her.

Elena nodded and stepped away from him, grabbing his hands as she did. She walked backwards towards her bed and he followed. Elena let go of him and reached for the bottom of his t-shirt, slowly pulling it up and over his head with his assistance.

He held his breath when her hands reached out and touched his chest, reacquainting themselves with his body. Her fingers worked their way down, finding and tracing every muscle she could find, ever so slowly. Then she leaned in and pressed her lips to his bare chest, kissing where his heart was. It was a good heart that he had, and she wanted him to know that.