Silent Prayers

Chapter 15

"I am Brandon, and I am an alcoholic" the chairperson announced. "I would like to welcome you all here and give a special welcome to any new attendees."

Stefan was only half paying attention as he sat in a circle in an uncomfortable folding chair surrounded by strangers. After a long day of work, this was the last place he wanted to be. All he could focus on was getting home to Elena.

"Sir?" Brandon asked.

Stefan's head jerked up when he realized he was being addressed. It was terrifying to see all eyes on him. He never liked to be the center of attention. He was too self-conscious. "I'm sorry, what?" Stefan asked, feeling like an idiot.

"Please introduce yourself" Brandon encouraged. "Tell us your story."

Stefan shifted uncomfortably in his chair. He would not tell his entire story, because he hadn't even told Elena. "I uh ... I'm just here to listen" Stefan answered. The urge to walk out the door was strong.

Brandon smiled kindly at him. "We all have different stories and we all have different reasons for being here. But we are here, to listen to one another and to do our best to support one another" he explained. "The only way this group works is if there is participation."

All eyes were still on Stefan. Stefan clasped his hands and stared at the gold wedding band on his finger. He was doing this for her. He had to at least try. "My name is Stefan, and I am here today because my drinking scares my wife" he said quietly.

"Hi, Stefan" the entire group greeted.

Stefan gave a small nod, acknowledging them. He did not feel like he belonged there. Brandon thanked him for his introduction and then went on to state the preamble, talking about the importance of sharing experiences and supporting one another.

As the evening wore on, Stefan found himself growing increasingly uncomfortable, especially when other group members began sharing in detail why there were there.

One man was in AA because he was homeless because he could not hold down a job while he was drinking so much. Another man killed two innocent people when he drove home drunk one night and crossed the center line.

The one that had upset Stefan the most was the man who put his girlfriend in the hospital after he nearly beat the life out of her one night while drunk. Stefan tried to picture how afraid that woman must have been and he wondered if Elena ever felt that scared. The thought was painful.

XXXX

By the time Stefan got home that evening, it was close to 8:00. He dropped his briefcase by the door and hung up his jacket in the closet. He found Elena curled up on the couch with a blanket and a book.

She looked up when she heard him come in. "Hey, how'd it go?" she asked, book marking her place and closing her book. She tried to not sound so eager to know, but she was.

Stefan came and sat down next to her on the couch. He grabbed her feet and placed them in his lap. "Good" Stefan answered. "It was just a really long day" he added with a yawn.

"Dinner is ready" Elena told him. She really wanted to know more about his meeting, but she got the feeling that he didn't want to talk about it.

"I'm not really hungry" Stefan said, staring at the muted T.V. "I think I'm just going to take a shower and head to bed."

Elena frowned. "Is something wrong?" she asked. It was not like him to pass on dinner, especially when he had been working all day.

Stefan patted her foot gently and looked her way, giving her the best smile he could fake. "Everything is fine. Just tired" he reiterated.